


I Promise I'm Not Creepy...Just a Little in Love With You

by theskyisblue



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: A little bit of Abby, Ali makes an appearance, Alternate Universe, And Eddie was a detective, Christopher is a cutie, Doug is still an asshole no matter which fic he's in, Light background insinuations of rape, M/M, Mentions of Suicide, OCs - Freeform, Substance Abuse, UCLA Medical Center, What if Buck was a doctor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-03
Updated: 2020-05-05
Packaged: 2021-03-01 22:08:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 40,639
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23974303
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theskyisblue/pseuds/theskyisblue
Summary: Doctor Evan Buckley never knew that breaking HIPAA regulations could grant him the love of a lifetime. Detective Eddie Diaz was truly a sight to behold, and suddenly, watching from afar just wasn't enough anymore.* Or the ‘I may or may not have broken protocol to get your number even though you don’t know who I am but I just wanted to let you know that your son is cute and oh my god you’re a cop’ AU no one asked for
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV), Evan “Buck” Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV)
Comments: 112
Kudos: 472





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I've been working on this one for awhile, just a fun fic in an AU where the 118 work in a hospital 😊 Of course, the tags will be changing as the new chapters go up because I do hit on some angst here and there. 
> 
> Just to clarify, I am _not_ in the medical field, so I deeply apologize for any inaccuracies 😅
> 
> Hope you enjoy 🤗

* * *

  


“He’s here again.” 

Buck would like to think he had gotten over his fumbling phase where he tripped over non-existent everythings, and from the way he hasn’t accidentally spilled anything in the pediatrics ward for a long time, it seemed to be true. But those words from Hen prompted him to nearly fling his iPad at the wall as he barely avoided crashing into an IV stand to turn around. He was well aware some nurses were turning to look at him weirdly, some seeming to even shake their head in fond exasperation at their head of pediatrics. Those who knew him better were smirking when they realized exactly why he turned from serious medical doctor with three degrees to flustered schoolboy in a fascinating 0 to 3 seconds. He ran a hand through his hair, pulling on his scrubs unconsciously to hopefully straighten any non-existent wrinkles. The mini teddy bear he kept in his chest pocket tilted to the side, and Buck quickly worked to fix him upright. 

“Wow, that was by far the smoothest transition I’ve ever seen.” Hen snickered, not even bothering to hide her amusement and Buck chose to ignore her knowing stare. His gaze was distracted elsewhere, more specifically to a pair of arms that could probably bench press a god and perform CPR on his deceased heartbeat without any difficulties.

Maybe even at the same time. 

If that wasn’t enough, the delectable arms were paired with a headful of soft, dark-brown locks he itched to run his fingers through to test if they really were as soft as they looked. It was a gaze pooling of melted dark chocolate, and a smile that had the power to drive away the darkening clouds in the sky for the past few days to let in the sun. Everything about him had Buck practically begging to whoever was listening to have mercy on his soul. 

He never knew before Eddie Diaz, that suns literally _walked_ the Earth, or more specifically, in dark skinny jeans and a leather jacket on the hospital grounds he worked in.

“Now that, is a beautiful man.” Chimney whistled, walking by with his iPad in front of him, pausing to smirk at Buck knowingly and without even breaking stride, heads into one of the rooms. 

“Where’s the lie? And I like girls.” Hen grinned, nudging Buck who was still staring at human Adonis with wide eyes. 

“Oh my god. He’s _gorgeous._ ” Buck felt the words seeming to catch in his throat, reaching out a hand to latch onto Hen’s arm tightly. He was sure without Hen here keeping him relatively sane, he would probably be a melted puddle on the hopefully sanitized floor right now, melted from the hotness in the shape of a human’s most blissful nightmare. 

“I know, Buckaroo, you’ve been telling me that for the past three months. Don’t you think it’s about time you go tell _him_ that?” Hen nudged him purposefully, and Buck immediately snapped out of his trance. 

“Are you serious? Have you _seen_ him?” Buck’s eyes widened, and Hen groaned. 

“Even if I didn’t, your descriptions of his physical attributes give me enough of a picture.” Hen muttered, watching as Buck hopelessly stared after the detective at LAPD that transferred here recently. “It’s been three months, Buck, the least you can do is ask him on a date and lust about him upfront instead of behind your patient’s EHR.” Hen raised an eyebrow, and Buck immediately shook his head. 

Nope, no way. 

“What? No! I mean, he’s probably not even interested in men, and how am I supposed to just ask him on a date? Is that even a plausible scenario that can happen?” Buck watched helplessly as Eddie walked out with his partner, Athena, who was currently dating the chief of the hospital and someone Buck feared, just a little.

“Maybe start with ‘hey! So, I’ve kind of been drooling over your muscular arms for the past three months, want to grab a drink sometime?’” Buck narrowed his eyes at Hen’s horrible attempt at mimicking what he sounded like, and whacked her on the arm with his iPad. The HTM staff may have his head if they saw him potentially destroying very expensive equipment, but he’ll deal with it when it comes to it. 

“You’re terrible.” 

“Oh, come on Buck, what’s the worst that can happen?” 

The worst?

How about everything?

“Apart from him potentially boycotting this hospital and arresting me for…something? There’s always something.” Buck bit his lip in contemplation, wondering all the other ways Eddie could possibly use those handcuffs on him before ducking out of the way as Hen threw a pen at him. 

“Don’t be ridiculous. We’re the best hospital LA has to offer, and he’d be an idiot if he decided to go against protocol and choose another one when we’re basically the closest hospital in the area he’s in charge of. Athena would never allow that.” 

Buck really hated how Hen could be so logical sometimes, because it almost gave him hope that maybe asking the hot detective out was actually not an unattainable task barely grazing his fingertips as he tried and failed to latch on. 

There was still another variable he needed to take into account though. 

“He has a son.” Buck said quietly, going back to reading his patient’s health record once again to see if there was something he missed, which was probably why he missed Hen’s narrowed eyes glaring at him. 

“Buck. You are literally a _children’s_ doctor.” Hen deadpanned, and Buck scoffed. 

“That’s not the issue! I have, in fact, seen his son, even talked to him a few times to know he’s an absolute angel. The problem is that he has a son, meaning he has a wife somewhere, and I am not a homewrecker.” His upcoming patient chart had honestly never been so fascinating, though he would need to check again why their iron levels were at an unusual level – 

“You’ve talked to his son and still don’t know he’s a single father?” 

And there goes the iPad. 

This time, Buck actually did drop his iPad, though it landed on the desk of the Nurse’s station (thank goodness), and turned to stare at Hen, wide-eyed. 

Because what? 

“Wait, what?” Buck gaped, wondering if Hen was pulling his leg or something but his best friend and fellow trauma surgeon has never lied to him. 

So that means…

“I treated one of his co-workers a while ago and we made small talk. He’s a single father and not dating anyone – yet. Are you telling me you’ve been lusting over the man for three months not even knowing if he was available?” Hen said slowly, as if English wasn’t Buck’s first language and Buck wondered if being hit by a truck full speed would be less winding than the information he was being forced to process right now. 

“He’s single?” Buck wondered absently if Hen was a few seconds away from physically smacking some sense into him, but he knew she loved him too much to give him a concussion after what happened a year ago. 

“I am honestly impressed you somehow managed to talk to his son without meeting him _once,_ how did you even manage that?” Hen gestured for them to move, and Buck realized he’s been putting off on seeing his next patient and running a little later than anticipated. Falling into step with Hen, he offered polite smiles to the other staff that they passed, opting to carry the iPad leisurely at his side as he had the information memorized now. 

“Christopher was always with Carla, his caretaker, whenever I popped in for a visit. Guess our timing never worked out.” Buck shrugged, and Hen clapped him on the shoulder as they reached the hallway where their paths would go separate ways. 

“Remember Buck, you need to actually _talk_ to the guy before coming to any conclusions. Don’t give up on something before even trying.” Buck watched as Hen gave him one last smile before heading into the trauma area, and he clutched the iPad in his hands tighter against his side. 

Talking, right. 

_If only it were that simple._

.

“Did you know that female sharks are actually bigger than males?” 

“Wow! Really?” 

“Yep! Which means that girls rule!” 

“Definitely not going to fight you there, buddy.” 

Buck watched on with a grin as Christopher charmed his way with the nurses, which always ended with him getting his favourite jello as a treat and a few hugs from the staff. The kid was an honest treasure, and too pure for this world. 

“I don’t tend to play favourites, but Christopher is definitely a gift.” Abby whispered next to him, and Buck chuckled. 

“He’s certainly something.” Buck said fondly, and truthfully, the boy had captured his heart the moment Buck saw him sitting on the hospital bed. He had been consoling a fretting Carla, which Buck realized was because it was the first time the woman had to take him to the hospital for his check-up after a recent surgery. He had been so calm throughout everything, even without his father, and Buck had felt an utmost respect for the courage of the kid. 

“I’m guessing it’s nothing serious if no one paged me?” Buck asked, and Abby shook her head. 

“It’s actually his great-grandmother that had a little accident. Missed a step and fell off her front porch; broke her hip. Chimney’s tending to her but she should be fine with some rest. Christopher was the one that called 911.” Abby said, and if Buck hadn’t been charmed by the boy before he certainly was now. 

“He’s a smart kid. Calling 911 at his age takes strength.” Buck smiled, feeling a sense of pride he wasn’t sure he was allowed to feel for someone else’s child. He could feel Abby’s gaze burning holes in the side of his face and was sure he had a feeling for what was coming next. 

“His father’s coming to pick him up soon.” Abby said innocently, but Buck could practically _feel_ the underlying meaning behind the words. 

“Not you too.” Buck groaned, running a hand over his face in embarrassment, almost wanting to climb in a hole somewhere when Abby laughed. 

“Come on, I’d like to think we’re pretty good friends considering everything. I can tell you’re definitely entranced by the man.” Abby teased, and Buck huffed in exasperation. They had dated a while back, but realized they were really better off as good friends and Buck had never been happier with their relationship now. 

“I am so not going there.” Buck pouted, choosing to watch Christopher’s eyes light up as he laughed, deciding that the sound of his laughter was even brighter than any song sung by the heaven’s above. The conversation about his apparent feelings for the kid’s father could wait. 

“You know, his father asked about you.” 

Then again, maybe this conversation was worth having. 

Abby smirked when Buck practically snapped all 26 muscles in his neck in an effort to turn it to look at her quicker than the speed of light. 

“He did?” Buck blurted out, cursing himself when he sounded almost _excited._

“He asked me if it was possible to thank the head of pediatrics himself from how his son raved about how well you treated him whenever he was here. It’s honestly a wonder you two still haven’t met given how many times he’s been here because of his job. I told him that you were a hard man to catch, but I’ll definitely pass on the message.” Abby grinned, and Buck wondered if this was what flying felt like. 

He was on _cloud nine,_ and he hasn’t even spoken to the man yet. 

“Oh. Well, uh, that’s…I’m glad. Very glad.” Buck realized that it was probably a good idea he didn’t talk to Eddie, because if he was a stuttering mess outside of the man’s presence, who knows what a disaster he’ll be when he actually conversed with him. 

“You’ve got it bad, Buckley.” Abby chuckled, and Buck scowled, deciding to pull up his patients’ charts on his iPad to distract him. 

“Christopher!” 

Buck honestly really needed to get a hold of himself because once again, his legs decided to give away at a _voice_ out of all things, and he had to brace himself against the wall so he didn’t do something embarrassing like keel over. 

In his defense, it was a very sexy voice. 

Eddie rushed into the room, a man on a mission, and didn’t stop until he reached his son to pull him into a relieved hug. 

“Mijo, are you alright?” Eddie kneeled to his son’s level, and wow, Buck really should not be imagining the things he currently was right now. He also wouldn’t mind if those lips whispered things in Spanish all the time. 

“Not me. It’s bisabuela. She fe-fell down s-steps.” Christopher said, and Eddie nodded, letting out a long breath he seemed to have been holding in. It was then that Chimney made his way over, and Buck tuned out to respect their privacy. There were some forms that needed signing and what better time than the present? He felt something tighten in his chest when he realized he was too scared, once again, to just…say something. But, a part of him knew that it was probably for the best. If the past year has taught him anything, it was that letting go of something before even having it in the first place was infinitely better than tugging it off after it had already latched on with thorns and vines creating a maze that required a lawsuit and a restraining order to pick up the pieces. 

Watching from a distance was fine, especially if it meant not messing up again. 

“Here.” 

Buck wouldn’t exactly say he jumped, so he settled for violently startled as something was shoved in his face. 

“What am I looking at?” Buck frowned, scanning through what looked like an in-patient form. 

“Christopher’s great-grandmother was admitted for observation for the night, and Eddie just generously filled out every single one of his details in case we need to contact him.” Abby’s eyes were practically shining, and Buck looked at her, unamused. 

“Are you implying what I think you’re implying?” Buck raised an eyebrow, though not letting go of the sheet of paper and immediately didn’t like the mischievous light dancing in Abby’s gaze. 

“Or not. Guess I’ll just give this back to the nurses and – “ 

“I’ll do it.” 

Buck really needed to get a grip on himself, because Abby didn’t even protest at that and just laughed heartily as she made her way down the hall to check up on one of her patients, leaving him to stare at the form in his hands, the name _Edmundo Diaz_ scribbled in quick writing at the space filling for ‘Emergency Contact.’ 

This really, breached probably a million regulations. 

For one, doctor-patient confidentiality was strictly regulated, and this was the first rule in a chain of others Buck was breaking just by _looking_ at the form in his hands right now. 

But since he already looked…

Safe to say his phone gained a new contact. 

.

.

.

“You do know you have to manually dial in the digits to make a call, right? You can’t intimidate the number into calling itself.” 

Buck snapped his head up from where he was, indeed, glaring at his phone with vigour. More specifically, staring at a certain contact with intense concentration. 

“Wait, is that actually a thing? Because – _ow_ – hey!” Buck pouted as he reached up to soothe the fading ache from Maddie’s flick on his forehead. “I’m your _brother,_ you’re supposed to love me!” 

“I can love you and tell you physically you’re being an idiot at the same time. It’s my duties as your sister and head nurse to knock some sense into you.” Maddie crossed her arms over her chest in the seat across from him, her eyes extremely unimpressed. “You’ve met the man, met his son, and now you have his number. What are you waiting for? A sacrificial offering?” Buck ignored how Hen and Chimney were trying and failing to hide their snickers behind their glasses of wine, and opted to glare at the terrible hand he currently had. 

If he knew ‘Game Night with the Buckleys’ would be turning into ‘Get Buck to Deal with his Shit’ he would have just opted out and went to sleep early. Maybe even familiarize himself with some of the charts of his patients coming in tomorrow by appointment to avoid all this. 

“Technically, I haven’t met him. Properly. And I’ve only spoken to Christopher a few times.” Buck corrected and scowled when three very unimpressed pairs of eyes stared him down. 

What was this, his intern years all over again? 

“Buck, just _call_ the man. From what I’ve gathered, he seems really nice.” Chimney offered, and Buck narrowed his eyes. 

“You’ve only talked to him _once._ ” 

“Which goes to show he’s a good person if I can tell just from one meeting!” 

“You were updating him on his grandmother’s condition.” 

“Still counts.” 

“Pretty sure it doesn’t-“

“Oh my god just _call him_ or I will literally do it for you!” Hen interrupted, reaching out to grab Buck’s phone but Buck quickly pulled it out of the way, cradling it close to his chest. 

“What am I even supposed to say? ‘Hey, so you don’t know me, but I stole your number off of your grandmother’s confidential hospital forms! Ignoring how that is practically illegal, how would you like to go on a date with me sometime?’ That’s literally grounds to lose my medical licence!” Buck scowled, and knowing he had a point because now his so-called friends and sister were just looking thoughtful. 

“Text him then.” Maddie said, and Buck furrowed his eyebrows. 

“Good idea! He can’t hear a white lie through text!” Chimney immediately backed his sister up, which would be cute on any other day, but Buck was less than impressed at the moment. 

“He’s one of the best detectives in the precinct.” 

“Buck.” 

Buck looked up to see his sister’s gaze seeming to soften, and he swallowed past a lump in his throat that had grown sometime during their conversation. 

“We’re not going to force you to do anything. But Buck, you deserve to be happy. You’ve been through hell the past year-“ 

No, he was not going to go there tonight. 

“I’m texting him.” Buck interrupted, cutting his sister off and before he knew it, he had typed out the first thing that came to mind and sent it before his brain could stop him. It seemed like time had frozen between the time the message read ‘delivered’ and the moment where three dots appeared to show someone was replying. 

Oh god, Buck was going to be sick. 

When the message came in, Buck was left with a moment of confusion before pure panic set in. 

“He’s going to _arrest me_ for this oh my god I am a dead man.” Buck rambled, pushing back his chair to pace around the room, nearly knocking over his bottle of beer as he tried to figure out how to explain himself. 

“Wait, why in the – Buck, what did you text?” Hen asked, her expression turning concerned and Buck ran a hand through his hair. 

Dammit, how could he forget such an important fact?

> **Buck:** Your son is adorable 
> 
> **Eddie:** I would like you to know that I’m a detective and if that message meant what I hope it doesn’t, you will be behind bars before the next message you send even gets to me

  


“He has no fucking clue who I am and I just sent a – “ Buck just tossed his phone in their general direction and watched as Hen, Chimney, and Maddie crowded around it, the one having caught it being his sister. 

There was a moment of silence. 

“ _Evan Buckley._ Tell me, that you did not just send a text to a member of the _law enforcement,_ that his son was adorable as an _unknown number._ ” Maddie’s voice was low, threatening, and Buck winced. 

“…”

“..!”

“…so I might have – “ 

“Evan!” 

“I _panicked,_ okay? I said the first thing that came to mind and I forgot that he didn’t – what do I do?!” Buck cried, feeling his lungs starting to hyperventilate, and wondered if his heart could just miraculously stop beating as he just dropped dead from humiliation. 

“Buck – “

“He must think I’m a _creep!_ I’ll be locked up for life with no chance of parole for accidentally preying on his seven-year-old son and you won’t even be able to visit me because child predation is literally the jail where there aren’t even any windows and my years of working towards my medical degree will be stripped away, I’ll never get to work with kids again – “ 

“Buck!” 

Buck debated whether it was more efficient to simply dig himself a hole to climb into and let mother nature do its job or invoke an aneurism and ask to be taken off life support to donate his organs to those in need. 

The latter seemed pretty good right now. 

Mr. Curtis desperately needed a new heart and his didn’t seem to like him very much so maybe it was for the best. 

“You’re not getting arrested! I hastily compiled an explanation and, well.” Maddie handed over the phone, and Buck noticed the lack of squad car sirens outside his apartment complex, so he guessed Maddie did somehow manage to neutralize the threat.

> **Buck:** Sorry, that came out wrong. I happened to see that photo from the day your son’s school visited the precinct and got your number from a friend 

  


Buck vaguely remembered that being a thing, and he had never felt more grateful that his sister remembered too. 

> **Eddie:** Oh man, I’m so sorry. I immediately assumed the worst, forgive me

  


Buck couldn’t help a small smile at that and immediately typed out an answer. 

> **Buck:** No harm done. I hope I didn’t overstep, so I apologize too for freaking you out for a sec

  


The next message created a whole new definition for heart palpitations. 

> **Eddie:** Definitely not. My son does tend to have that effect on people 😉

  


“There’s a winky face, he sent a _winky face._ What’s the protocol for this?” Buck looked up with no doubt frantic eyes, and Hen chuckled. 

“Oh, Buckaroo, normal protocol for medical emergencies will not help you here.” Hen mused, stepping forward and patting him sympathetically on the shoulder.

What had he gotten himself into?


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Slight spoilers for an episode of Grey's 😂
> 
>  **Warning:** Background mentions of possible rape

They were phone buddies. 

If someone had told Buck that one day he would be engaging in a virtual conversation with the most attractive man that graced the Earth with his mere presence, he would have probably laughed in their face and ask them if they, too, were delirious from the pressures of medical school. 

And yet, here he was. 

He had no idea what he had said for Eddie to trust him not to be some child predator, and truthfully, it was a little awkward at first, but once Eddie realized he was completely harmless and just really admired him and his son, conversation had flown easily. Buck was pleasantly surprised that they were actually becoming fast friends over the past few days.

Well, as close to friends as they could be through their cellular devices.

> **Eddie:** How is it that you’re working as a children’s doctor and never seen the movie Frozen? Isn’t that a literal offense?
> 
> **Buck:** You’re hilarious. And I’ve seen bits and pieces, but the main parts the kids always re-watch is that one song and I’m pretty sure I don’t need to see the movie to sing all the verses
> 
> **Eddie:** So you’re a singer too, what else are you hiding up your sleeve?

  


Buck didn’t know how long he had been smiling down at his phone in the cafeteria, his thumbs absently rubbing against each other as he pondered a response. So far, Eddie had figured out that he was a ‘he,’ and a pediatrician in the Los Angeles area, but as far as to his name and which hospital he worked at still remained a mystery. It was a running game of theirs, where Buck would sometimes slip up with information and Eddie would take it in as easy as breathing. 

Perks of being a detective most likely. 

It would have probably saved Eddie a lot of time just by searching up in the police database his phone number and dig up his file (which had some things he’s been working through slowly), but according to the man, it would be a major breach of privacy (how ironic), and he liked to work for information instead of breaking policy in order to obtain something he could simply work up towards. 

Buck would like to say he hadn’t swooned at that, but that would be a big fat lie. 

“So, how’s your boy crush on Detective McHotty going?” 

Buck scowled at that, not pushing the extra cup of coffee he had prepared towards his sister. 

“Just for making a Grey’s reference, you’re not getting your coffee.” Buck huffed, and Maddie snorted in disbelief. 

“Don’t lie to my face and tell me you don’t enjoy a good binge of Grey’s Anatomy.” Maddie scoffed, but Buck stealthily pushed the coffee away from her grabby hands. 

“The amount of medical inaccuracies on that show gives me _headaches,_ Mads. I’m still not over that episode with the plane, they should have all died!” This time, Buck had to save the coffee _and_ himself from Maddie’s hands. 

“That episode was one of the saddest ones of the season! And even if most of them survived for the continuation of the plot, what about the trauma? The heartbreak? How can you be this heartless?” Maddie was looking at him as if he had just kicked a puppy, and he might as well have considering Maddie was way too overprotective of her TV shows. “You cannot tell me that you did not cry when Lexie – “

“I neither confirm nor deny.” Buck grumbled, remembering that he did, in fact, cry like a newborn taking their first breath when he saw her crushed under the plane. The fact that her and Mark – nevermind. 

Looks like he knew which show he would be binging when he got home today. 

He didn’t fight it this time when Maddie reached over to snatch the coffee from his grasp, while whacking him on the shoulder in reprimand. 

“Now that was just rude, sis.” Buck shook his head, though he found it hard to be annoyed at anything at the moment when he was still floating on the fluffiest cloud from the text messages with Eddie for the past three days. Even the nurses seemed to pick up on his chirpier mood, and the interns weren’t as afraid to ask him questions because he really could not find it in himself to be anything but stupidly happy. 

It was scary, how truly happy he was from some mere text messages, and it definitely had everything to do with the man behind the screen. 

“Word on the street is that you smiled a whole ten times in the past four hours, breaking a national record.” Maddie raised an eyebrow, and Buck snorted into his coffee.

What the hell?

“I smile plenty, Mads.” Buck protested, a little offended at whoever came up with that ridiculous count, watching as his sister merely shrugged. 

“I’m not sure if you realize, dear brother, that you are actually quite intimidating when you’re working. The poor interns are terrified, and if the attendings didn’t know you so well from your internship years, that ‘don’t mess with me’ face and ‘I will not tolerate your bullshit’ tone drives everyone up the wall. Everyone knows that the only times you smile are for the kids, which, just recently changed.” Maddie smirked, and Buck frowned, subconsciously realizing that the staff who either recently transferred here or haven’t had opportunities to cross paths with him often seemed to stutter unnecessarily around him before high-tailing it out of their conversations.

Oh. 

“Guess I didn’t really realize.” Buck hummed, breathing in another mouthful of stale coffee. He wondered if requesting Bobby for an espresso machine would be too much. 

“And we’ve gone off-topic. Have you discovered that Detective Diaz is actually a secret drug lord planning to take over the streets of Los Angeles and should we be warning Athena?” Maddie teased, and Buck groaned. 

“Just the complete opposite. Instead of making meth on Saturdays, he actually volunteers at the local library to read to kids. He’s an active donor to the Cerebral Palsy Foundation among others, including the charities we host right here at our hospital and when he’s not spending time with Christopher, he’s working to keep the city of Los Angeles safe. Did you know that he’s also an army veteran and obtained a silver star? I swear Maddie, if he’s also on the organ donor list I might actually kidnap him to marry me because no man can be this perfect.” Buck could hear the clear whine in his tone, pouting when Maddie just laughed at his clear distress. 

“So? When’s your first date?” Maddie asked excitedly, her lunch long forgotten in front of her and Buck immediately looked away, fidgeting slightly. 

About that…

“Well you see, it’s – hmm, I may have – uh, well, I just…” Buck couldn’t find the words to describe to his sister that he hadn’t exactly asked the man on a date yet, each time he gained enough courage to do so, something stopped him from following through and-

And three days just flew by with them texting back and forth but leading nowhere. 

“We’re still getting to know each other.” Buck concluded, going with the safe answer and Maddie narrowed her eyes. 

“So, basically you’re telling me you haven’t asked him out yet?” Maddie said slowly, and Buck shuffled his feet on the vinyl flooring, wondering if he could frictionally create a pit big enough to climb into. 

“Who says I want to ask him out? Maybe I just want him as a friend.” Buck winced at his blatant lie, his words so false he was sure his own mini-sized patients could call him out, no problem. 

“Hey.” 

Buck reluctantly lifted his eyes from his now cold cup of coffee to meet his sister’s gaze that had an overwhelming amount of emotion swimming in her warm brown eyes for this time of day. 

“You can try and fool everybody else. But Buck, I’m your _sister._ And I can tell there’s something more that’s holding you back from asking the guy out than pure nervousness.” Maddie said gently, and Buck kind of didn’t want to have this conversation right now. Or ever, really. The lawsuit had taken months before they earned a hard victory, but the costs of everything else made the victory seem less thrilling. Every single event that had led to there being a lawsuit at all still clawed at Buck’s heart and scratched wounds that would take more than gauze and antiseptics to get rid of. 

Death by a thousand cuts. 

He was still healing from more than half of those. 

“Do you think Eddie would even want to be with someone like me?” Buck wasn’t sure the words he had said so quietly would even be heard. After what happened, there was still a part of him that hadn’t quite forgiven himself for something that had been completely out of his control. A part of him still wondered, that if he had perhaps done things differently, maybe _he_ would still be alive. 

“I’ve said this before, and I’m going to keep saying this until you are able to repeat it yourself. Buck, it was _not your fault._ Any of it. Everything had just spiralled out of control before any of us caught on, and it was, and still is, _nobody’s fault._ ” Maddie said slowly, making sure their eyes never lost contact the entire time and Buck felt his throat clogging with emotion. His therapist had talked him through the gist of it, tried to make him see that the outcome would still be the same even if he had tried to prevent it, but he had still kept most of it tightly sealed and refused to let anyone in. 

There were some things he needed to work out alone in order to forgive himself properly, but it would take time. 

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to dampen the mood. It’s just – everything’s a bit much right now.” Buck gave his sister a sad smile, knowing his sister recognized the smile when she immediately reached forward to place a comforting hand over his on the cafeteria table. 

It was the smile that had not, and could not, reach his eyes for the past year. 

“You have every right to feel many things right now Buck. And if you’re not ready to take the next step, no one is going to force you to. But I see the way you brighten up whenever a new message from Eddie comes in, and I’m just excited because I have not seen you so genuinely happy for…for some time.” Buck let out a watery chuckle at that and knew Maddie wasn’t doing much better judging by the shine of tears in her own eyes. 

“I think lunchtime’s over.” Buck hastily blinked his tears away, shoving the last bit of his sandwich in his mouth and Maddie quickly stuffed her mouth full of vegetables.

“How is that even filling?” Buck scrunched his nose at how healthy Maddie’s entire tray looked, and Maddie playfully swatted his arm. 

“It’s a miracle the kids even listen to you when you tell them to eat their vegetables when you’re actually worse than them with yours. Maybe I should bring it up next time you preach to them about vitamin intake.” Maddie teased, and Buck rolled his eyes, a hint of a smile on his lips. 

“Do that, and I won’t hesitate to spill all your embarrassing moments in high school.” Buck smirked, dodging as his sister attempted to nail her elbow into his gut. 

“That threat goes both ways, Buckley.” 

“You do know you and I share the same name, right?” 

.

.

.

“You’re staring.” 

Buck really wasn’t. 

Okay, so maybe he was slightly distracted, but only _slightly!_ It wasn’t his fault that Eddie Diaz was way more fascinating to look at than the necessary paperwork that required his signatures that he never really bothered to read properly. These were the kind of paperwork that were honestly even more boring than the terms and conditions, which honestly says something about the amount of torture he must endure on a daily basis. 

Being his own boss had its pits and perks. 

“Don’t you have trauma patients to take care of, Dr. Wilson?” Buck didn’t even bother looking at the trauma surgeon beside him, deciding that watching Eddie get an update from Bobby about a patient he brought in earlier today was way more interesting. 

It certainly didn’t hurt that he was wearing an unbuttoned, dark green cardigan that did wonders for his arms over a light gray t-shirt, paired with black skinny jeans practically painted onto his legs along with the signature gun holstered to his hip. 

Then again, Eddie could be modelling hospital gowns and rock the look so Buck really didn’t know why he was even surprised at how the man could pull literally anything off. 

“I, am currently looking over the bloodwork of one of my patients right now. You, however, still haven’t signed the form in your hands that you’ve been obviously going over oh-so diligently for the past five minutes.” Hen snickered, lifting up the papers in her hands to tap Buck lightly on the head. Buck rolled his eyes, signing the form in his hands with more flourish than necessary to prove a point. 

“Why didn’t you warn me that being promoted meant endless paperwork?” Buck grumbled, scowling at the pile in his hands that never seemed to diminish - where was the physics in this? Hen was chuckling, and Buck looked up to shoot her an unimpressed glare when he noticed Eddie starting to turn in their direction, feeling his heart stop. Without thinking, he lifted the closest thing he could grab to cover his face and ducked his head as best he could behind it. 

In the future, he would probably deeply regret not using Hen as a shield instead. 

“Is he looking? He’s not, right?” Buck’s eyes widened, sure that he probably looked ridiculous hiding his 6’2 nature behind whatever the hell he was holding. Hen was looking at him with a peculiar look, her lips shaking with barely suppressed laughter as her eyes darted to the object in his hands and back to his feral gaze. The bloodwork in her hands were completely forgotten and – why was she looking like she was bare seconds from losing it? 

“Hen? You good?” Buck whispered, waving the object slowly in front of her and Hen, officially, _lost it._ Loud, unabashed laughter filled the entire hallway and Buck would have been otherwise concerned if he didn’t know her better. She only seemed to wheeze harder at his utterly confused expression, and gestured to the object in his hands. 

“You might want to take a look at what you’re holding.” Hen barely choked out through her laughter, and Buck frowned, looking at what he could now see was a regular Buzz Lightyear action figure. Still baffled at why Hen was still laughing the way she was, he glanced at where he had got it from and proceeded to close his eyes in a silent plea for a meteorite to strike him or something. 

He prayed to whoever was listening that Eddie was not seeing this right now. 

Buck immediately tossed the figure back into the box labelled ‘Objects Idiots Decide to Stick Up their Ass’ and briefly thanked the lord he had neglected in taking off his gloves. 

“We will never speak a word of this.” Buck raised a finger in Hen’s face derisively, rolling his eyes when Hen quickly backed away, making a face of disgust. 

“Toss those gloves, Buckley, before I toss you.” Hen pursed her lips, and Buck didn’t even hesitate in doing so, sure that he would never be able to see Toy Story the same way again. Someone clearly had taken the slogan ‘to infinity and beyond’ way too literally. He briefly wondered what it was that made people stick practically anything up their ass to indulge their curiosity, before dodging that particular route of thinking when he realized he would certainly not complain if Eddie – 

“Heads up Buckaroo.” Hen nodded to his pager and Buck realized that it had started vibrating in his pocket. Immediately sobering, he picked it up. 

And felt his blood run cold at the words ‘code blue.”

“Hen, I gotta go.” Hen waved him off quickly, going back to her own charts as Buck re-read the room number provided. 

Shit. 

It was one of Abby’s patients. 

He felt his feet moving before his body did, and when Buck made it to the room, he made sure to stay out of the way and let Abby and her assistant nurses to take the wheel. One thing he’s learned from being the head of pediatrics, is that he had to trust and let his team do their job, and if they needed him, they would ask for assistance. 

Though just from one look, Buck had a feeling this one would not go well. 

Liam was a 7-year-old that desperately needed a heart transplant, but with the organ donor list being the way it was, all they could do was help keep him alive until a heart became available. 

And now he was in his third cardiac arrest in the span of a week. A hell of a fighter, but his heart could only take so much strain. 

Buck could tell from Abby’s distressed face as she performed CPR that this time, they would not be so lucky. He could see the parents in the waiting area being held back by nurses as they cried hysterically, watching their son’s body try and fail to come back to life.

“1mg of Epi!” 

“Dr. Clark, that’s too – “ 

“I _said,_ 1mg of Epi!” 

The defibrillator was charged again, the shock from the machine working tirelessly to get Liam’s heart to beat, but it had been nearly 20 minutes, and Buck knew before Abby finally called it that this would be the outcome. 

Sometimes, their best would never be good enough, and they had to live with that.

Sometimes, their jobs just _sucked._

It was a blur after that, as with all code blues, where nurses and doctors stood in silence as the time of death was called, giving themselves a moment as they grieved for a life lost so young. Code blues were especially hard in the pediatrics ward, when the last thing you remember is a bright smile and hopeful wishes from a body so small yet striving for something so big. Buck couldn’t help but look at the tiny teddy bear on the nightstand dressed as an astronaut, its smile seeming sadder than he remembered when he had first given it to him the first day Liam was admitted. 

Buck met Abby’s gaze when movement started again, offering his condolences wordlessly as Abby closed her eyes briefly in pain. Liam wasn’t Abby’s first loss, nor would he be her last, but every loss hits just as hard as the first, and every single one thereafter. 

“I have to go talk to the parents.” Abby said quietly, and Buck nodded. He had lost patients himself, and although every doctor went through grief differently, he knew Abby would come to him if she needed to. His team of pediatricians were good at their job, but in reality, even the best doctor couldn’t save everyone, and it was something Buck had a hard time accepting when he first started. Like every doctor, he remembered the name, age, gender, and last words of the first patient he lost, and while Liam hadn’t exactly been his patient, Buck felt every loss as if they were his own. And after that particular day a year ago, losing patients after just brought him straight back to that time of his life. Back to those excruciating hours all over again as his brain just refused to forget. 

Buck stopped midway into his office, staring at the desk piled with paperwork he had to get to, then at the chair he sat in when he first received the news. He didn’t need to think twice before gathering some of the paperwork off his desk along with a pen before heading out. There was a bench in a more secluded part of the hospital with a glass wall that overlooked the gardens that called his name on days like these, and he made sure he had his pager on him in case anyone called. Though, he always had his pager on him, so it was more of a reflex than a real check. 

And so, he sat, looking at nothing and everything out the pristine glass overlooking their hospital garden. He could just make out Maddie taking out an elderly patient on a leisure stroll, and some of his attendings taking a break and chatting over coffee. Time passed in its own pace, something that Buck could never tell whenever he sat here but it didn’t really matter. 

Time always passed in the worst pace when he was trying to save a life, so he learned to not quantify it at all to save what’s left of his sanity. 

“Rough day?”

At first, Buck wasn’t sure he heard right, because in all the times he’s sat on this bench, the only ones who dared to approach him had been Maddie and Bobby. This voice was neither, so he wasn’t prepared to acknowledge the unfamiliar, yet at the same time bitingly familiar voice. It wasn’t until he looked to where the voice had come from to realize he really wasn’t alone, and that Eddie was actually _standing in front of him._

Was he dreaming? 

Buck knew he was probably gawking at the man in a most definite embarrassing manner, and all he could manage to choke out was – 

_“Detective Diaz.”_

Buck watched as Eddie’s eyes widened in surprise, and quickly looked away to force down the blush threatening to spread across his cheeks. 

Out of all the people in the _world,_ it had to be the man he had been crushing on from afar and become phone buddies with. He mentally begged his brain to come up with words that didn’t make him sound like a creep. 

“You…know who I am?” Eddie blinked a few times in quick succession, clearly taken aback. Buck wracked his brain for words and not the current inhuman noises the organ was currently teasing him with. 

“I’ve – seen you around. Your partner, Athena, is dating my chief, so we’ve crossed paths more often than not. Your son Christopher is also a ball of sunshine.” Buck didn’t know if he was explaining himself very well, but Eddie seemed to relax at his words so he must have done something right. 

“Thank you. That really means a lot.” Eddie smiled, and Buck didn’t know how anyone could look at that smile and not fall halfway in love with how his eyes crinkled adorably with the stretch of his lips. It really didn’t help that his warm brown eyes were locked on him, a feat that Buck never thought would ever happen. 

“Got room for one more?” Eddie asked, and Buck immediately nodded, gesturing for him to sit on the empty spot next to him. Unfortunately, the bench was generously spaced, so Buck did not have the pleasure of knowing what Eddie’s body temperature felt like from not being pressed together as he chose to sit an appropriate distance away on the other end. 

He never knew it was possible to sulk over a _bench._

His next project proposal to Bobby at their monthly meetings would be to make the lengths of the benches in the hospital smaller and figure out a way to make it sound like a reasonable request.

“I lost someone today.” 

Buck tensed at the strained way the words were spoken, and looked over to see Eddie glaring at the glass in front of them. “She was 17-years-old and caught in the middle of a domestic distress call. The doctors did everything they could for her but…” Eddie trailed off, and Buck remembered Bobby taking over that case himself, and realized that the girl probably died in the past hour for Eddie to still be at the hospital. He made a note to visit Bobby later when he had a moment, but right now, Eddie was his priority. 

“It never gets easier, losing someone.” Buck said softly, and Eddie sighed, making a sound of agreement. 

“I must sound a little stupid, feeling like this when you obviously lose people all the time and still pick yourself up.” Eddie offered a weak smile, and Buck quickly shook his head.

“We are all entitled to feel what we feel in our own ways, it’s not a pissing contest. Your feelings will never be less than anyone else’s.” Buck hoped that Eddie could understand where he was coming from, and that his feelings did matter, that he was allowed to grieve in their line of work just like anyone else. Eddie was staring at him with an unreadable expression though, so Buck wasn’t sure if he had said the right thing or just majorly crossed a line. 

“I…needed to hear that. Thanks.” This time, Buck could tell Eddie’s smile was genuine, and offered back a small smile of his own. 

It disappeared soon though. 

“I lost someone today too.” Buck said softly, tearing his gaze from the man beside him to look out the glass wall in front of them again. “A patient. Well technically, he wasn’t my patient directly, but a patient all the same. He was 7-years-old and lost a battle with his heart.” Buck allowed himself to share this much, since he knew that Eddie would keep this to himself and he didn’t really break doctor-patient confidentiality if he didn’t offer up names or specific details. 

“I’m sorry for your loss.” Eddie said gently, and Buck nodded, feeling his chest lighten when he allowed himself to open up, just a little. 

“I’m sorry for your loss too.” Buck said quietly. 

For a moment, the two men just sat on the bench, offering silent comfort to one another. They were each so lost in their own thoughts that the sound of a pager nearly made Buck jump the entire distance from the floor to the ceiling of the hospital. Unclipping it from his coat pocket, he furrowed his eyebrows worriedly when he read that he was needed for a consult ASAP. 

“I’m sorry, I have to go, but feel free to stay and…um, stay.” Buck mentally smacked himself for his eloquent speech, but Eddie didn’t seem to mind as he offered a small smile and a waving hand motion. 

“Yeah no worries, go and save lives.” Eddie once again, smiled that smile of his that never failed to make Buck’s heart pump into overdrive, so Buck gave a small wave back before high-tailing it out of there. 

Messaging Eddie was one thing. 

Falling in love with him both in the virtual world and reality was another. 

.

.

.

> **Eddie:** This may be a wild shot, but do you happen to know any pediatricians from UCLA?

  


Oh man.

Buck had nearly dropped the apple he had stuffed into his mouth at the message, because he had an inkling as to why Eddie was asking. But how in the world had Eddie managed to deduce he was a pediatrician?

> **Buck:** Uh…some, yeah, since it’s a pretty interconnected network. Why?

  


The answer came a few minutes later and okay, Buck really should never eat or drink anything again when he’s messaging Eddie.

> **Eddie:** I met one the other day, and he had the most beautiful pair of blue eyes I have ever seen

  


Buck tugged his coffee-stained shirt over his head and tossed it into the wash, picking up and putting on the first thing he felt in his drawers. He couldn’t help but stare at the recent text that just came in, a mixture of guilt and excitement having a debate over which one should win in his stomach. 

> **Buck:** Sounds serious, what’s his name?

  


Buck really didn’t want to get his hopes up, but technically there were more pediatricians in UCLA Medical Center than just him, and a few with blue eyes so Eddie really could be talking about anyone – 

> **Eddie:** I am actually such an idiot and forgot to ask

  


Buck couldn’t help a chuckle at that, knowing that it was now a 70% chance that Eddie was talking about him. 

He couldn’t help teasing him a little though.

> **Buck:** Are you 100% sure you’re a cop?
> 
> **Eddie:** That was low, man
> 
> **Buck:** Well then, any other more distinguishable characteristics other than the ‘most beautiful pair of blue eyes,’ detective?
> 
> **Eddie:** He _did_ have a cute little teddy bear in his breast pocket. And an adorable birthmark on his left eye

  


Oh, now that just settled the deal. Buck _definitely_ knew it was him because he was, by far, the only doctor in the entire hospital that carried around a mini teddy bear companion. 

The birthmark was a dead giveaway too, but telling Eddie that he was actually messaging said doctor would probably not end well.

> **Buck:** Really? That’s dedication
> 
> **Eddie:** I think it’s cute

  


“Winnie, he thinks we’re _cute._ ” Buck could feel his cheeks turning red, lifting a hand to pat Winnie’s soft cushion of a head gently as he processed the words. Ugh, why did he have to be both charming _and_ beautiful? An entire deck of cards and Eddie had landed a royal flush, it simply wasn’t fair. 

Buck didn’t have time to formulate a reply as Maddie had just texted him to get his ass to the hospital, so he shoved a banana down his throat (the imagery not quite lost there), drank what was left of his coffee and sprinted out the door. Winnie was safely tucked into the smallest pocket of his go bag, his scrubs and white coat also folded neatly in there yesterday from the wash. LA traffic meant being stuck on the road for twenty minutes when he really only lived ten minutes from the hospital according to Google Maps. 

“What have we got?” Buck noticed the page just as he entered the hospital, so he quickly worked to get changed before heading to the ER where Hen was waiting. He distantly remembered her mentioning doing an ER rotation for a few days, so the surprise at seeing her anywhere but at the trauma bay was a little refreshing. He made sure Winnie was secure in his pocket and absently pulled out a pair of gloves from the glove-holder leading to the entrance of the ER, slipping them on with practiced ease. 

“Ali Martin, female, 30-years old. She was re-arranging her closet when a box fell on top of her, bringing her down with it. She’s 32 weeks pregnant.” Hen said, and Buck heard before he saw the woman, her pained groans resonating through the ER. “I checked for external injuries, and other than a few bruises she’s fine. I’m more worried about the baby.” Hen said, and Buck nodded, immediately pulling out his stethoscope. The woman was obviously in pain, her eyes screwed tightly shut as she clutched her bulging stomach. 

“Hi Ali, I’m Dr. Buckley. Is it alright if I check your baby?” Buck asked, all thoughts of everything else fading away as he focused solely on his patient. 

“Not my baby, I’m a surrogate but yes, _please. _I feel like I’m having an internal version of an earthquake.” Ali groaned, and Buck offered a small smile before putting on his stethoscope and listening intently to various parts of her abdomen. He quickly put his stethoscope aside and experimentally pressed gently on her stomach, and winced when Ali practically screamed as he pressed at a certain area.__

__If this was what he thinks it is…_ _

__“How long has the pain been happening?” Buck asked, still feeling around her stomach and Ali breathed in a sharp breath._ _

__“A little – a little before the box fell. After the fall, the pain grew more intense. I thought it was just Braxton Hicks 2.0.” Ali clenched her jaw, and Buck nodded._ _

__“I’m afraid you’re going into labour.” Buck said, and both Hen and Ali turned their heads to him in shock. Hen was a little more discreet, because she was only a little taken aback at the words since this wasn’t the first time this has happened, but Ali was completely freaking out._ _

__“What? L-labour?! I’m barely 32 weeks!” Ali exclaimed, but Buck wasn’t fazed._ _

__“I need to check your dilation to confirm it, but I am almost certain you’re going into labour.” Buck said, not wasting a second more to shut the curtains around them and beckoning a few nurses over for help. He paged another one of the pediatricians from his team before he nodded to Hen to let her know he had this under control. There was a pat on his back as Hen moved on to check on other patients._ _

__“Oh my god, I’m not ready, we’re not – the nursery is barely even ready and – “ Ali rambled, and Buck lifted the cloth on her legs to see that his initial diagnosis was correct, and that the baby was not going to wait._ _

__“Ali, I need you to _breathe._ I know it’s scary right now, when the baby hasn’t reached full term but I promise you, that I will do my best to take care of you both, alright? Is there anyone I can call?” Buck asked, making his tone as soothing as possible, and Ali seemed to finally realize that this was really happening and took in a deep breath before slowly letting it out. _ _

__“Y-yeah. My phone has their contacts listed at the very top. They’re both working today and – _ow._ ” Ali winced, holding onto her stomach again and Buck ordered for an ultrasound before asking the other pediatrician to make the call. _ _

__“You’re doing great, deep breaths, alright?” Buck tuned his breathing in time with hers, trying to slow it down and Ali did her best to copy._ _

__“If-if only the horoscopes today told me I would b-be in the hospital today having a hot doctor deliver my pre-premature baby.” Ali panted, trying for a smile, and Buck couldn’t help giving an amused one in return._ _

__“If it helps, you look stunning.” Buck grinned, nodding in approval at a nurse silently asking permission to give Ali some water since she was currently sweating up a storm. Ali offered the nurse a grateful smile and took small sips._ _

__“You, are a notorious liar.” Ali huffed when she was finished, and Buck only smiled. The ultrasound machine had finally arrived and as he quickly gelled and worked the probe along her stomach, the monitor provided an image that Buck kind of did not want to confirm right now._ _

__To add on top of everything, the baby was stubbornly feet-first._ _

__Awesome._ _

__Ali was in no shape to walk around the hospital, nor in the shape for any kind of movements, and at the rate of how the dilation was going, she did not have much time. Which meant one thing._ _

__“The baby is feet-first.” Buck said, and Ali’s eyes widened._ _

__“That’s…that’s _not_ good, right?” Buck nodded, and took away the probe, gently wiping her stomach clean of the leftover gel with a paper towel. _ _

__“I’m going to need to perform an emergency C-section, I just need your consent.” Buck said, and Ali immediately nodded without hesitation._ _

__“You’ve been keeping me from freaking out pretty well, considering. I trust you, and the parents of this baby trust me, so do what you need to do.” Ali said, and Buck felt a growing warmth in his chest at the level of trust he was just placed with. He turned to his fellow team member beside him who was already working on getting an OR room, and told him to notify his interns too to scrub in._ _

__“Me?” Buck lifted his head as Jay, one of the newer attendings was watching him with wide eyes, as if not believing what he was hearing._ _

__“Do you see anyone else?” Buck raised an eyebrow, and Jay’s eyes widened, immediately shaking his head._ _

__“I didn’t mean to – I just thought – “ Buck rolled his eyes, tugging off his dirtied gloves and throwing them in the trash._ _

__“Time is ticking Doctor Vance, or should I ask someone else to scrub in with me?” Buck almost wanted to run a hand down his face at how slow the newer attendings could be, and Jay immediately shook his head._ _

__“No, sir! It’s an honour!” Buck almost thought Jay would salute or something given his stiff posture and watched in faint amusement as he practically dashed down the hallway to the OR rooms._ _

“Remember to bring your interns!” Buck called after him, shaking his head slightly in exasperation before turning back to Ali, who was watching him in amusement.

“Is this impatient baby being delivered by the big boss?” Ali laughed weakly, and Buck snorted. 

__“Hardly. I just happen to be _his_ boss, don’t worry too much about it.” Buck chuckled, and Ali gave him a look that told him he wasn’t fooling anyone. _ _

__“This is so going on my blog.” Ali managed to say before letting out another groan of pain and Buck, along with some nurses started to wheel Ali towards the booked OR room._ _

__“I’m going to get cleaned up, but all these kind nurses will take care of you, alright? I’ll be right in after you.” Buck said, the nurses giving them a thumbs up and Ali smiled, nodding. Buck let the nurses’ wheel her in before taking a different door, noticing that Jay and his interns were almost finished scrubbing in. He held back a smile when the interns were watching him with eyes shining in awe, and wondered if that was what he looked like the first time Bobby asked him to scrub in with him years ago. He looked through the window and saw that the anesthesiologist was already in there, nodding to Buck who greeted her back.  
_ _

  


The surgery went by with flying colours. 

None of the million scenarios Buck had played in his head about different ways Ali could bleed out on the table happened, and the baby was safely transported into the care of the NICU. Buck would be checking up on him (it was the most gorgeous baby boy according to Ali) every so often, but there hadn’t been any major complications that had Buck fretting over his survival. 

He was strong, just like the woman who gave birth to him. 

It was a routine process after that, updating the parents who had arrived midway through the surgery, and Buck had probably been hugged a hundred different ways by the tearful couple. Jay then brought the couple to see their new baby, which left Buck a few moments alone with Ali. 

“You should ask them out.” 

Buck almost threw his phone out the window at the amused voice coming from the bed beside him, and turned to see that Ali was wide awake and looking at him with laughter in her eyes. 

“Hey, how are you feeling?” Buck eyed the heart monitors quickly, and Ali smiled. 

“A little sore, but pretty good, considering. Will I be getting one of those battle scars?” Ali asked, and Buck chuckled, nodding. 

“Most of it will disappear, but yes.” Buck thought that Ali would be distracted enough to not bring it up again, but this woman was truly a force of nature. 

“So? Are you going to ask them out?” Ali prompted again, and Buck huffed in exasperation. 

“How do you even _know?_ ” Buck grumbled, causing Ali to laugh brightly. 

“I’m very good at reading people. And the fact that you’ve been grinning at your phone with this… _look_ in your eyes kind of gives it away.” Ali shrugged. Buck frowned to himself. 

Was he really that obvious? 

_“Yes, yes you are.”_

Buck mentally swatted away Hen’s voice in his head, and was about to reply when his pager sounded. He quickly brought it up to his field of vision to read the words and immediately got up from the chair he was sitting in. 

“Sorry Ali, I have to go.” Buck said quickly, and Ali nodded tiredly, waving him off. 

“It was nice to meet you Dr. Buckley.” Ali gave him one last smile, which Buck returned, before he rushed over into the ER once again. He spotted Maddie and Chimney almost immediately and hurried over. The pager had described the gist of what he would be expecting, but seeing it upfront left a growing pit in his stomach. 

There was a little girl sitting on a vacant bed, no more than six, wrapped up tightly in blankets and still shivering violently. Her eyes were glued to the floor, her hands tightly clenched on the blankets. The sight of her tiny wrists and ankles littered purple with heavy bruising made his blood boil. She was also completely silent. 

“Athena and Eddie brought her in. They answered a call where neighbours swore they heard sounds coming from an abandoned warehouse, and found her and several other kids bound and chained to the wall.” Maddie said softly, and Buck vaguely noticed the detective and sergeant along with Bobby standing a little off to the side, murmuring words. Chimney was gently coaxing the girl to let him check her over, so Buck made his way to the officers. Athena noticed him first. 

“Buck.” Athena greeted, and Buck dipped his head in acknowledgement, also offering a silent greeting to Bobby and Eddie, watching as the latter’s eyes dawned in recognition.

“Maddie told me there were more kids.” Buck said, strained, and Athena nodded grimly. 

“There were five in total, including her, and we managed to have most of them transferred to hospitals closer to their distraught parents. Some of those kids have been reported missing for years.” Athena sighed, and Buck really hoped whoever this sick son of a bitch is, they were caught and given the worst sentence. Judging by the looks on their faces, Athena, Eddie, and Bobby were thinking closely the same thing. 

“Her name is Hannah, and that’s…really all we know. She hasn’t spoken a word since we got them out, and we had to go through the missing person’s database to find her. She’s been reported missing for close to a year.” Eddie said quietly, and Buck closed his eyes. 

He couldn’t even begin to imagine what the little girl must be feeling right now. 

“She also hasn’t let any of us touch her to check her over. Which is concerning because I don’t need to be a doctor to know she’s in shock.” Athena added, and Buck mentally agreed with her, something he had noticed since first laying eyes on her. “We contacted her parents, and they’re flying in from out of state. They were shocked and scared out of their minds when we called.” Buck looked towards the little girl again, Hannah, and caught Chimney’s eye who discreetly waved him over. 

“Buck, she isn’t allowing me to touch her. Maddie and Bobby both tried – she must be traumatized.” Chimney whispered, and Buck nodded in understanding. Hannah’s gaze was still glued to the ground, and Buck could see she was still shivering. The curtains around the bed had been drawn slightly for privacy, and Buck tilted his head towards Maddie and Chimney to get them to stand back a little. Buck silently pulled a chair a little way before the girl, sitting down quietly. Her gaze was still glued to the floor, but Buck knew she could see that someone was sitting in front of her. 

“I delivered a baby today.” Buck started, and he pushed back a smile when Hannah visibly startled slightly at the random topic of conversation. “Cutest little boy. The mother wanted to name him Dumbledore, but I told her that if she didn’t want her son to boycott all of the Harry Potter books when he grew older, to maybe choose another name.” Buck chuckled, absently bringing a hand up and patting Winnie on the head. “She told me, well, that she could do whatever she wanted but I think I got through to her.” Buck brought Winnie out of his pocket and set him on his lap. He was about to pull out another story when a small voice broke through the moment of silence. 

“Bear.” 

Buck could hear several sharp inhales of breath behind him, but paid them no mind. He looked up to see the girl now not staring at the floor, but at Winnie on his lap. 

“Oh! Yes, this is my own personal assistant. His name’s Winnie.” Buck held out the bear in front of Hannah and smiled when a small hand reached out to rub Winnie’s head softly. 

“Cute…bear.” Hannah stuttered, and Buck tilted his head, feeling warmth spread through his chest when Hannah shyly met his gaze, though her eyes were still wary. 

“He really is, isn’t he? Helped me a lot throughout the years I’ve had him. Though, sometimes he misbehaves, and I have to tell him to stop hiding in the laundry machine” Buck pouted exaggeratingly, smiling when he saw Hannah’s lips twitching. “You like teddy bears then?” Buck asked gently, and Hannah nodded slowly in an affirmative. “Will you believe me if I said I can produce a bear in your favourite colour out of thin air?” Buck watched as Hannah seemed to be halfway ready to snort in disbelief. He gave her time to reply.

“Purple.” Hannah said quietly, and Buck grinned. 

“Purple it is.” Buck thanked whichever deity he had to that he actually did have a purple bear in his pocket, but even if he didn’t, he had many backup plans. He discreetly reached into his scrub pants pocket, and pulling out a purple version of Winnie. Hannah’s eyes seemed to brighten slightly, and Buck held out the purple bear towards her in offering. She seemed confused for a moment, as if not believing what she was seeing but Buck held out the bear firmly in front of her. 

“This one needs a home, what do you think?” Buck asked softly, and after a long moment of hesitation, Hannah reached forward to slowly take the bear from Buck’s hand and pull it to her chest. Buck let her cuddle the bear for a while, and noticed that tears were gathering in her eyes. 

“Mommy and daddy.” Hannah choked out, and Buck could feel his heart snap in two at the three brokenly uttered words. 

“They’re on their way right now to come back to you. What’s your name?” Buck asked, not wanting to use Hannah’s name out of nowhere to freak her out. 

“H-Hannah.” 

Buck nodded, and held out a hand. “Hannah, will you let me make sure you’re okay? Then, when your parents get here you can give them a big hug and they can take you home.” Buck said gently, and Hannah looked at his outstretched hand, her grip tightening on the bear but soon enough, reached out to place her hand in his. 

“Only want you.” Hannah said quietly, and Buck nodded immediately. He squeezed her hand gently, putting Winnie back into his pocket before taking out a flashlight. Hannah followed his instructions quietly, this time not hesitating in allowing him to slowly and thoroughly check her over. Buck clenched his jaw when he saw the mangled skin around her wrists and ankles, knowing that only time and rest could heal these. Physically, she would be fine, but mentally? Buck himself knew that time could not heal all wounds, but he could also tell that Hannah was strong. There was, however, one more test Buck couldn’t legally do without the parents here and he was sure Hannah has been through enough today that the doctors in the state where she lived could do it. So, he carefully cleaned her cuts and bandaged her wrists and ankles. Whichever hospital and doctor she would be assigned to back home, he had prepared a report and would send it over to make sure she got the best treatment. 

_“Hannah.”_

Buck looked up to see Eddie heading over to them slowly with a man and a woman, both of which had eyes reddened with unshed tears. Buck caught Eddie’s gaze, and felt an overwhelming sense of gratitude when Eddie seemed to be holding the parents back slightly, asking Buck through their locked gazes if they could come closer. Buck didn’t need to give an answer though, because Hannah said everything that needed to be said for the parents to come running. 

_“Mommy. Daddy.”_ Hannah sobbed, the tears she had been holding back finally spilling over at the sight of her parents, and Buck stepped back to let the family have a moment. 

“Great work, Buck.” 

Buck turned to see Bobby and the others making their way towards him, and shrugged sheepishly. 

“I just did my job.” Buck couldn’t help a small smile when Bobby patted him on the shoulder, his expression proud. 

“Maybe I should start to carry around little bears too.” Chimney mused, lightening up the tense atmosphere, and Buck let out a startled laugh. 

“Not sure orthopedics needs doctors with little teddy bears in their pockets, dear.” Maddie teased, and Chimney seemed to think about that for a second before pouting when he realized his girlfriend was right. “Besides, that’s Buck’s specialty.” Maddie grinned, and Buck rolled his eyes at his sister. 

“Excuse me, doctor?” 

Buck turned to see Hannah’s parents standing behind them, tearful smiles on their faces. They pulled him into a hug, before hugging each and every single one of them. Buck couldn’t help a small smile when he saw Eddie and Athena looking out of their elements in the hug, though they didn’t move to pull away until the parents did. 

“Thank you, for finding and saving our little girl.” The father said, and Buck shared a look with Hannah who was still clutching the purple bear tightly. 

“We were just doing our job, sir.” Hannah’s father sent him another grateful smile and Buck explained the extent of Hannah’s injuries, about visiting a hospital closer to home as quickly as possible when they went back, and her father nodded in understanding. His expression tightened slightly when he realized what Buck was implying, but didn’t voice anything out loud. Athena then stepped forward to update them on how they found Hannah, and all the legal actions afterwards so Buck let them have their privacy. He made his way to lean against the nurses’ station, looking over Hannah’s charts again, making sure that he had everything covered before sending it to her doctor back home. 

“So, head of pediatrics, huh?” 

Buck really needed to go to a class on ‘how to control motor reflexes when a hot detective talks to you.’ He was going to break every single iPad in the hospital at this point if things kept going on like this. Looking up from Hannah’s chart, Buck would like to think he mustered a calm smile at Eddie who was also leaning against the nurses’ station beside him. He vaguely remembered introducing himself as that when he talked to Hannah’s father, and count on Eddie to latch on to that bit of information so easily. 

“Yeah. It says ‘Dr. Evan Buckley’ on the nameplate on my desk, but just call me Buck.” Buck happily shook Eddie’s extended hand, and felt something flutter in his chest as Eddie chuckled. 

“Well in that case, it says ‘Detective Edmundo Diaz’ on the nameplate on _my_ desk, but feel free to call me Eddie.” Eddie grinned, and Buck was thoroughly charmed. 

“What, Diaz not doing it for you?” Buck teased, and Eddie narrowed his eyes. 

“Not if you expect me to respond.” Eddie snorted, though his words held no actual bite. “I thought you might be a pediatrician, but _wow,_ I have the pleasure of meeting the head of pediatrics?” Eddie whistled, causing Buck to try his darndest to push down the flush threatening to spread through his entire body. 

“How _did_ you know, by the way? I mean, Winnie here could have just been a personal accessory.” Buck asked, curious, and Eddie smirked. 

“Oh, I knew even without Winnie. You just have an air around you that practically screams ‘I love kids.’” 

Buck gave Eddie an unimpressed stare. 

“You’re hilarious.”

“I try.” 

He wasn’t stuttering yet, which was a miracle, but maybe once the adrenaline of helping a little girl today wore off, he would be back to his usual self. 

“Your coat has ‘Dept. of Pediatrics’ sewn on. I just couldn’t make out your name.” Eddie finally admitted, and Buck glanced down at himself, surprised laughter bursting out of him when he realized his white coat did, in fact, have his name and ‘Dept. of Pediatrics’ sewn on, along with the hospital’s name. He had completely forgotten about it even though he had been the one to ask Bobby for the personalizations. 

“You know, I’ve been meaning to ask.” Eddie hummed thoughtfully, and Buck tilted his head to show that he was listening. He immediately knew something was up when Eddie suddenly smirked. “You keep spare teddy bears in your pockets?” Eddie mused, his eyes practically sparkling, and Buck raised a defiant eyebrow. 

“You don’t?” Buck deadpanned, though he was trying hard to hold back his own smile. 

“Haven’t quite found an occasion for them yet.” Eddie chuckled, the lightness in his tone making Buck a little lightheaded. Their conversation right now was borderline _flirting_ and if that didn’t just cause Buck to have a mini heart attack. 

“I guess I have the both of us covered then.” Buck was sure the distance between them was minimizing slowly but surely, and he didn’t know why, but Eddie didn’t seem to be moving back. 

Not that he made any move to move back either, nor did he ever want to, but the fact that _Eddie_ also didn’t…

“Is there any chance I could have your number?” Eddie murmured, and Buck watched as his gaze lowered slightly before meeting his eyes again. He still had Winnie in his pocket, so Eddie had probably just spared him a glance. The little teddy was cute, what can he say? 

It didn’t seem he was finished though. 

“Because I would love to take you out on a date.” 

He was sure his lungs forgot how to _move._ Eddie’s words repeated in his mind over and over again, each time a little louder to assure Buck that he had heard correctly, and that Eddie really had just asked for his number. Asked him out on a _date._

His heart was screaming, yelling at him that this was his chance, that he should just give Eddie his number and everything will be all right in the world. 

His head caught on quickly after, because at the same time he also realized – 

“Yeah no!” Buck blurted, his eyes widening in time with Eddie’s who looked taken aback at the loud exclamation. Dammit, his heart had his tongue working before his brain did, and the result was even worse than just a simple ‘no.’ 

Wonderful. 

If he gave Eddie his number, the man would realize that it was _him_ behind the messages. And if he said ‘yes’ to the date, then he would have to give Eddie his number and it was just, a never-ending circle of terrifying outcomes. Eddie would realize that it was Buck, who essentially acted like a creep and got his number from a hospital form, and then Buck would have to find a way to legally explain himself for his selfish actions, all because he just so desperately wanted to talk to the detective.

And he wasn’t ready. To talk. 

“A, ah, simple ‘no’ would have sufficed. Sorry for asking.” Eddie ran a shaky hand through his brown locks, and Buck felt his heart drop to his stomach from the hurt lingering in the man’s eyes. 

“It’s not – it’s not you, I promise. I just, I’m not…there are some things that – that I need to work out. It’s not you, I swear, because you’re hot, and really pretty, and honestly so nice and pretty and – “ Buck cut himself off at Eddie’s surprised laugh, and mentally slapped himself.

Looks like the adrenaline had worn off. 

This is exactly what he was afraid of if he talked to Eddie face-to-face. The man was far too distracting for his brain to concentrate. 

When Buck gained enough courage to meet Eddie’s gaze – 

He was met with _that look_ again. 

“If it helps, you’re really pretty too. Gorgeous, in fact.” Eddie smiled warmly, and Buck couldn’t hide his blush this time. “And I understand. Whenever you’re ready, Buck, I’ll wait.” Eddie seemed to hesitate briefly, before reaching forward to gently squeeze Buck’s hand that had moved to lay on the nurses’ station between them. Buck let out a breathy laugh, squeezing back, and he didn’t know how long they had been staring at each other before Athena called to ask if Eddie was ready to go. 

“Go and save lives.” Buck repeated Eddie’s words back to him, smiling when Eddie chuckled fondly and with one last squeeze, he joined Athena and headed out of the hospital. Buck wasn’t entirely sure he wasn’t dreaming, because he swore just a second ago he and Eddie had been _holding hands._

“Earth to Buuckkk, you still in there?” Maddie teased, waving a hand in front of his dazed expression. Buck blinked multiple times before he could finally see straight. 

Ha, straight. 

Not the time, Buckley. 

“Did Eddie just hold my hand?” Buck didn’t know his voice could sound so dreamy, not even caring that Maddie was currently shaking her head at him in fond exasperation.

“Oh, you two did more than just that. Pretty sure you were eye-fucking at one point, which, Buck, I have to say I am so proud that you two have reached that point in your mutual pinning but there are _kids_ here.” Maddie tried to sound admonishing, but Buck could see the beginning of a grin making its way onto her lips. 

“We did not eye-fuck.” Buck huffed, turning around and heading to his office before Maddie could say anything in edgewise. He distantly heard Chimney murmuring something along the lines of ‘Mads, do you ever feel so single when you’re beside those two?’ but chose to ignore that. He headed to his desk and was thoroughly prepared to be productive when a text from Eddie rolled in. 

Then again, being productive can happen later.

> **Eddie:** So, I found my pediatrician

  


Buck tried not to focus on the ‘my’ part, but it was difficult.

> **Buck:** Wow, congrats! How did it go?
> 
> **Eddie:** He rejected me when I asked for his number

  


Buck winced at that, the earlier conversation playing again in his mind and mentally berated himself for his lack of mouth to brain connection. 

> **Eddie:** But we came to an understanding, so I’m hopeful. I didn’t get a good look at him when we first met, but wow, he’s _beautiful_

  


It seemed like messaging Eddie was going to have him choking regardless if he had anything in his mouth, because he was currently reaching for his bottled water as he coughed wildly. There was also a nagging feeling in his chest, which Buck felt to be odd. He could not even begin to fathom why Eddie seemed to actually _like_ his fumbling real-life self, when he sounded far more tame through the phone. 

Being jealous of himself cannot actually be a thing. 

...Can it?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh Buck, quite the dilemma there, eh?


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Any Spanish is from Google Translate so I apologize for any mistakes 😅

Eddie would like to think he was a tactful man. 

He had spent years in Afghanistan as an army medic, with brothers in arms trusting that they had each other’s backs, and somehow managed to come out relatively unscathed. 

The silver star was just a reminder of the day he could have lost everything. 

His parents had pestered him non-stop when he officially retired with the question of why he chose to run right back into conflict with his eyes open and become a detective instead of a medical doctor, but Eddie chose to ignore them. So much so that he just couldn’t find it in himself to acknowledge Texas as home anymore, where everywhere he looked were filled with memories that had lost their light. That was when he was offered a position as detective at LAPD and, well, it was an easy choice after that. His abuela never once questioned his decision and along with Carla, worked around his schedule to provide the best possible life for Christopher. Ever since Shannon died, Eddie had shouldered on the responsibilities of being a single father, and never once had he regretted it. 

Christopher was the center of his world, and he would lay his body six feet under before any harm could ever reach his son. And to do that, he would protect the city of Los Angeles in his own way. Keeping bad people off the streets meant making the world just that little bit safer, and truthfully, he also missed the feeling of having someone’s back and someone having his. Pairing up with Athena, however, had been a feat all on its own. She had been working as a field sergeant as a lone soul, who rejected any and all propositions from the chief about potential partners. Eddie didn’t know what exactly he had done or said, but one day he was helping Athena with a case and the next they were officially paired together, at _Athena’s_ request. It was a little unconventional, given their different statuses in the police department, but they made it work. Eddie had never been more grateful to be away from his desk more often than not, and behind Athena’s initial cold exterior, he found out that she was truly, the warmest soul. That, and Eddie sort of lost almost all fear for the woman the day he caught her and Bobby in their own little world, the smile on the woman’s face too genuinely warm to be anything but a wonderful person. 

That didn’t mean she didn’t have her terrifying moments though. 

So yes, Eddie would like to think that he was a tactful man, which was why he had no idea why he was making his way through the hallways of UCLA Medical Center while subconsciously looking out for a familiar head of blond hair. They had responded to a call about a funeral protest, and lo and behold, someone ended up needing to go to the hospital. It wasn’t often that they accompanied patients, but the protest had caused a major traffic jam, and a man practically started begging them to help him get an organ to UCLA Medical for a patient prepped for a transplant. 

Which was really the reason why he was here. 

Eddie had pretended not to notice Athena giving him a knowing look when he asked to stay here for their lunch break, and had quickly made himself scarce to not listen to any more of Athena’s teasing since the day they brought Hannah to the hospital. He had only been in Los Angeles for a little over three months, so navigating something as complex as a hospital had not been on his to-do list. When he had complained about it to the mysterious person that he was beyond confused on why he could feel a sense of familiarity through the texts, he had merely been met with playful words.

> **Eddie:** Give me one reason why hospitals are structured like a corn maze
> 
> **JOHN DOE:** The architects decided that Halloween should be celebrated on a daily basis instead of yearly
> 
> **Eddie:** The structure is literally not made friendly for the directionally-impaired
> 
> **JOHN DOE:** Pretty sure there’s only your name on that list

  


Eddie could have sworn that the texts from him were almost _flirty,_ and his mind had automatically pictured a certain pediatrician with blond hair and blue eyes, but that couldn’t possibly be true. Looking around him, Eddie almost thought he had been walking in circles had it not been the different coloured arrows on the floor, and blindly picked paths that, he learned from ‘The Hunger Games,’ to just hope for the best with his choice. Someone must have been listening to his prayers though, because he had miraculously wandered into what looked like the Children’s Ward. He unconsciously shifted his jacket to cover the gun on his hip completely, afraid to scare the kids if any of them happened to bump into him. Looking around, he noticed that the walls were neatly decorated with rainbows, various artwork done by the kids, pegasi, children riding pegasi…

“-sure?” 

Eddie wondered when his heart had grown attuned to that voice, that he somehow knew could only come from one person in the world. Turning the next corner, Eddie was met with Buck’s bright smile, and he wondered if it was the certain ward he was in, but it almost seemed like the doctor was _glowing._

“Yeah, I’m sure. I just got discharged, so I thought I would send an update to the parents on how wonderful their new son is doing.” There was a woman, her short brown hair settling neatly on her shoulders and though her complexion was a little pale, she seemed otherwise healthy. 

“But you don’t want to go in?” Buck asked, seemingly a little concerned and the woman waved him off with a smile. 

“I’m fine, Dr. Buckley, I trust your word.” The woman rolled her eyes, though not in an offended manner. “Besides, there’s a window from here where I can see perfectly fine through.” The woman gestured, and yes, the window was nicely placed but still a little small. Buck seemed to open his mouth to argue again but realized that they weren’t alone and turned his head in Eddie’s direction. 

And Eddie was, once again, met with the pair of the most brilliant blue eyes he has ever seen. 

“Detective Diaz.” Buck blurted, looking surprised, and Eddie raised an eyebrow at that. 

“Dr. Buckley.” Eddie responded, noticing that Buck winced slightly. He realized keeping it professional in the workplace was important, but there was literally no one here except the three of them. 

Speaking of which. 

Eddie turned to look at the woman, who was looking between the two of them at first in confusion before understanding dawned in her gaze, which quickly resulted in her lips stretching into a wide smile. 

Interesting. 

“Hi, I’m Ali Martin. I gave birth to one of the babies in there. It’s nice to meet you…?” The woman, Ali, stretched out her hand cordially and Eddie took it, shaking the hand lightly.

“Eddie Diaz. I’m a detective with the LAPD.” Eddie smiled politely, and couldn’t make out why Ali seemed to be practically bouncing with excitement. 

“ _Oh._ A _detective,_ huh?” Ali grinned, sneaking a look at Buck who, Eddie realized, looked like he was one second away from smacking his head against the wall. 

“What are you doing here?” Eddie knew Buck didn’t mean any harm in the question, simply curious, and he shrugged. 

“Athena and I were helping a man get an organ here for transplant. How have you been?” Eddie asked, and Buck’s eyes lit up with understanding. 

“Oh! That was you guys? Hen was on the verge of tears until the organ arrived, so _thank you._ So much.” It wasn’t the first time Eddie had heard the words ‘thank you,’ but somehow, coming from Buck, the words lit up a warmth in him he didn’t want to put out. 

“It’s no problem. Just doing my job.” Eddie smiled, and he almost forgot they had a third companion with them until a giggle sounded outside the little makeshift bubble they created around themselves. 

“Dr. Clark was right, you two are almost painful to watch.” Ali snickered, and Eddie was a little confused because who was Dr. Clark? Judging from Buck’s scowl though, and the flush he wasn’t hiding so well Buck knew exactly who Ali meant. 

“I am so going to kill her.” Buck muttered. Eddie was only slightly concerned for Dr. Clark’s safety, though there were more important matters at hand. 

He couldn’t help but tease, “Did I just hear a potential murder plot against an innocent civilian?” Buck turned his narrowed eyes on him, a small smile playing on his lips. 

“She’s hardly innocent. And I thought I could count on you to help hide the body.” Buck pouted. Eddie scoffed in response. 

“That would be a wide breach in the vows I made to the city.” Eddie said seriously, though he knew his eyes were betraying the amusement he was feeling. They stood at a standstill for a couple of minutes, before Eddie finally broke. 

“I know an abandoned plot of land we could use.” Eddie admitted, and Buck grinned brightly. 

“Perfect.” 

“You know, I find it mildly concerning one of our fellow trusted law enforcement is willing to be coerced into murder.” Ali mused. Eddie only shrugged helplessly. 

“He’s cute, what can I say?” Eddie didn’t move his gaze away from Buck, who was now spluttering incoherently. 

“I, am going to check on little Hamlet and get myself out of this conversation.” Buck huffed, giving Eddie a look before using his backside to open the door to the NICU, Winnie in his pocket tipping precariously before settling back in properly, and the only thought circulating in Eddie’s mind was – 

What he wouldn’t give to be that door. 

OKAY. 

Thoughts. Cold shower. _Now._

They were in a _Children’s Ward._

“My baby was 8 weeks early.” 

Eddie turned to Ali who was watching Buck checking up on one of the infants, giving a thumbs up when Buck waved. 

“Dr. Buckley was the one who delivered him. I had never felt safer in the hands of a doctor than in that moment.” Ali said softly, and Eddie watched as Buck playfully indulged the infant in a mini handshake, the nurse standing by smiling in amusement. 

“He’s a great doctor.” Eddie thought back to the incident with Hannah, how Buck had been the only one the little girl allowed close to her, and how effortless he made it all seem. If that wasn’t enough to burst his non-existent ovaries, watching Buck interacting with the tiny life inside the room had his heart growing too big for his chest to contain.

It honestly should be illegal for Evan Buckley’s to be near children, because it made Eddie Diaz’s _feel things._ But it was, legal that is, so Eddie guessed he would just have to appreciate that fact. 

“You two look good together.” Ali said suddenly, and Eddie startled. 

“I’m sorry?” Eddie blinked, caught off guard, but Ali just gave him a ‘don’t fuck with me’ look. 

“You know exactly what I mean.” 

The check-up didn’t take too long, thankfully, and before they knew it, Buck had exited the room, tugging off his gloves and tossing them in a nearby trash bin. 

“Hamlet is looking good! All vitals are normal, so he should be ready to go home in a few days.” Buck grinned, and Ali cheered quietly. 

“That’s great news! Thank you so much, for everything, Dr. Buckley.” Ali reached forward for a hug which Buck was more than willing to give. 

“I expect you to rest when you get home, alright Ali? Don’t push it.” Buck narrowed his eyes at her, and Eddie stifled a smile when she just blinked at him innocently. 

“Who, me? Oh, you have no idea. The parents practically lined up my entire Netflix queue to try and force me into a few days of bedrest.” Ali rolled her eyes, as if ‘rest’ was not in her vocabulary. 

Eddie wouldn’t be too surprised if it actually wasn’t. 

Buck didn’t seem convinced that Ali would stick to that plan, but didn’t say anything more as Ali waved goodbye to them both as she made her way out of the hospital to head back home. 

“She does not look like the type to sit calmly through a C-section.” Eddie mused, and Buck seemed to study him for a while before letting out a huff of disbelief. 

“Army medic, I should have known.” Buck mused, catching Eddie off guard once more. 

“How on earth did you know that?” Eddie honestly was more impressed than surprised at Buck’s deduction, but didn’t quite know why he had a sort of panicked look in his eyes. 

“Wild – ah, lucky guess. You just didn’t have that look in your eyes when you saw the NICU, like most people do.” Buck ran a hand through his now slightly ruffled hair, and Eddie distantly wondered how the soft curls would feel like between his own fingers. 

“There’s a look?” Eddie mused, and though his voice was even, there was something about the way Buck seemed to be practically squirming under his stare that drove the nerves in his body haywire. 

How can someone be so adorable? 

“Yeah, but it’s…it’s – um, not important. So, why’d you decide to become a detective?” Eddie knew Buck was trying to change the topic, and although he didn’t quite know why, he decided to just go along with the flow. This was a question he’s had the unpleasant experience of hearing over and over again ever since he retired from the force, either from his parents or nosy coworkers, but the way Buck asked it with genuine curiosity in his tone had Eddie smiling, just a little. 

The question suddenly didn’t seem so daunting. 

“I’ve been asked that a lot, actually. Truth is, I did consider becoming a doctor, but I liked being out in the field more. I considered becoming a firefighter, but when LAPD gave me an offer I just couldn’t refuse, well, I took it.” Eddie watched as Buck’s eyes squinted slightly from the wide smile on his lips, and he really needed to stop being so cute if he wanted Eddie’s legs to keep on cooperating to keep him upright. 

“A loss to both professions, surely.” Buck said sincerely, giving him a wink before continuing, “But I am grateful there are people like you looking out for us out there.” Buck finished shyly, and Eddie figured he would need to somehow teach his heart to beat properly in Buck’s proximity in the near future because right now it certainly wasn’t doing its job. 

“Detective Diaz!” 

Both men jumped at that, turning around in sync to see Athena standing behind them, hands on her hips and expression unamused. 

That look nearly made Eddie swallow his tongue. 

“We have to get going.” Athena said, giving a small nod to Buck who was still frozen. Eddie reached out to pat Buck on the arm in a wordless goodbye, before following Athena, mildly impressed at how she seemed to navigate the maze of hallways with ease. Stepping out of the hospital, Eddie was already starting to miss the warmth of looking into familiar baby blue eyes, his chest constricting with an urge to fill up an empty space created by the lacking presence of a certain head of pediatrics. Their recent interaction still left his skin tingling on a high that no drug could ever replicate. 

“You might want to contain that smile, Eddie, people are starting to stare.” Athena mused, and Eddie immediately schooled his expression into a look more fit for a detective of the LAPD. 

Right. He was on duty, which meant game face on. 

Though, he couldn’t quite help looking back briefly to the hospital slowly drifting away behind him as he followed Athena to their car. His legs ached to walk back in and seek out _him_ again, but he had a job to do. 

_“I am grateful there are people like you looking out for us out there.”_

That was everything Eddie needed to fuel him on for the rest of his shift. 

  


But, little did he know that this would not be the last time he set foot in UCLA Medical today.

Life can throw you lemons and expect you to make lemonade. 

In this case, life threw Eddie a bullet he couldn’t quite dodge in time. 

.

.

.

“I mean, how can Eddie’s coworkers even function breathing the same _air_ as him? I constantly suffocate from his never-ending testosterone the moment I see him!” 

“I think that’s just you, Buck.” 

“Not to mention that is _not_ how hormones work.” 

“And his _insides._ Guys, I swear to god, if we open him up with a scalpel little angels might actually fly out with their tiny halos because how can one human being be so _good?_ ” 

“Pretty sure that’s not medically accurate, Buckaroo.” 

“And slightly concerning to think about. Are you sure you passed ‘Human Anatomy 101?’”

“You want to open up that man with a scalpel already? You haven’t even taken him out on a date yet!” 

“Wait, so he _can_ open up random people with a scalpel as long as he takes them out on a date first?” 

“…”

“Maddie?” 

Buck and Hen exchanged an amused look when Chimney was staring at his sister, wide-eyed, his face quickly draining in colour the longer Maddie stayed silent. 

“I am sleeping with one eye open tonight.” Chimney declared, and Buck burst out laughing when Maddie threw a piece of broccoli at him. 

“So. You two have officially known each other in person for nearly two weeks. Eddie basically asked you out for a week of that, and your answer is still pending?” Maddie raised an eyebrow, everyone around the round table they were sitting at in the cafeteria watching Buck expectantly. Buck picked at his lasagna, leftovers from the last cooking session he had with Bobby. 

“It’s just…I guess, weird, you know.” Buck frowned, fidgeting with his phone now on the table. “I’ve been texting him as an unknown number for longer, but he wanted to go out with _me,_ even though every single conversation we’ve had so far has me being a total mess.” It still confused Buck to no end, why Eddie was so keen on dating _him._ The guy through text was way more smooth, but then again it was still him, so it was all just a little hard to wrap his head around. 

“You do realize you two are the same person, right? You have to come clean to him either way, no matter how you play it.” Chimney said, with sounds of affirmations from the rest of them. And Buck had, truly had, thought about coming clean. But then things happened, patients that needed to be cared for, and then days lapsed, and now Buck was stuck in a spiral of will he, won’t he. The sound of a pager broke through his thoughts, and from the lack of vibration in his pocket he knew it wasn’t his. Hen frowned, putting down the brownie she was just about to bite into in favour of her pager. Buck immediately knew it wasn’t a consult call from the paling of Hen’s expression. 

“A man’s coming in with a GSW to the shoulder. Ambo’s 3 minutes out. I have to go, guys.” Hen quickly shot up from the table, Buck and the others immediately standing up with her. 

“I’ll go with you.”

“I’m coming.”

Hen looked at everyone in faint surprise. “You do know you all don’t have to answer trauma calls anymore, right?” Buck just gave her a small smile, their entire table moving quickly to clear their garbage in order to respond to the call as soon as possible. 

“Where there’s a GSW, there’s always something more. Plus, I’m a doctor first before my specialty, so I’m coming.” Buck’s tone was final, and Hen nodded gratefully. Chimney just nodded long, offering a ‘what Buckaroo said,’ before all four of them rushed towards the trauma bay. The noise assaulted Buck’s ears before the stretcher even entered the room, and soon enough the pristine vinyl floors were smeared with blood and dirtied shoes as paramedics started rolling patients in. 

It was pure chaos. 

“Talk to me.” Buck heard Hen say sharply, her tone crystal clear and anyone who looked at her commandeering stance right now could easily work out that she was ‘head of trauma.’ 

“Male, 32, GSW to the shoulder, 9mm through and through. BP’s 80 over 60, possible pneumothorax.” One of the paramedics said, and Buck only heard some of what they were saying as he caught sight of another stretcher being rolled in. Chimney had gone after a patient who was complaining of severe chest pains while Maddie hadn’t left Hen’s side. 

If Buck had paid more attention to them, he would have noticed the head trauma surgeon and head nurse spare a worried glance at him before concentrating on their patient again. 

And if he had looked out the trauma bay doors once more, he would have seen Athena, arms soaked to her elbows with blood and following the stretcher that held the man Hen and Maddie were treating like a madwoman. 

“Male, 22, car accident. BP 140 over 90, crashed twice, but we managed to resuscitate him both times. He’s still unresponsive, possibly from the electric shock from the transformer he crashed into.” The paramedic said, and Buck nodded, indicating he was following along but frowned when he saw some uniformed officers also following them. 

“Something I should know about?” Buck tipped his head towards the uniformed men, and furrowed his eyebrows when the paramedics scowled. 

“This man shot a member of the LAPD when they showed up on his doorstep, before trying to get away in his car. Idiot underwent massive karma by crashing into a transformer. His brother was stupid enough to be in the passenger seat.” The paramedic tried to sound professional, but Buck could tell he was _pissed._ And rightfully so, because the man Buck was currently intubating might have just killed a member of law enforcement. 

One of their own. 

And they were working to essentially _save_ the guy, because a doctor’s vow was to save people, no questions asked. 

Even potential murderers. 

He remembered the page Hen got and shuddered at the realization. The man Chimney was looking after was most likely the brother, judging by the state of his injuries when Buck had peered at him earlier. This entire situation was just making his head swim. 

Hen was good at her job, and although Buck was worried, he knew she would do her best to save the man. 

“Thank you, I got him.” Buck dipped his head to the paramedics, and they nodded, releasing the stretcher in his care along with a couple of nurses. Another trauma surgeon, Christian, hurried over and Buck let him take the reins after giving him an update. He waved away the quick words of gratitude, knowing that peak times in the trauma bay were exhausting with more patients than doctors were available. He was just about to go and check on his own patients, when a familiar voice caught his ear. 

“-okay right? He just – we were just going to ask a few questions, before there was a gun and he jumped in front of me before I – “ 

“Athena – Athena, calm down. We are going to do everything we can to save him.” 

Buck looked towards the source of the commotion and saw Athena being held back by Maddie and another nurse, looking distraught as her eyes had not left someone on the hospital bed. Hen was yelling things, the machines beeping in an angry manner beside her which meant that the patient was not complying very well in getting back to their normal stat values. 

A sense of cold dread washed over him when he realized a certain someone was supposed to be beside Athena, and he was nowhere to be seen. 

Buck’s eyes fell to the patient in the bed that Hen was currently swearing at, watching as Jen, another trauma surgeon assisting her was trying and failing to get the bleeding to stop. 

It couldn’t be. 

“We need to get him to an OR, _now._ Page Dr. Nash and have him join me in OR3, I don’t care if he has another surgery lined up, this one can’t wait.” Hen barked, and Jen immediately picked up her pager to do as she asked. 

Buck wasn’t sure if he was _breathing._

His vision tunnelled as he stepped closer to where Hen’s patient was, his knees collapsing on themselves and if it hadn’t been Maddie’s quick reflexes, he would have fallen straight to the ground. The face of the person lying in a prone position on the bed would be giving him nightmares for days to come. 

Because it was Eddie, lying there, the entire upper half of his body covered in blood and fully unconscious as the nurses and Hen quickly wheeled him away. 

_No._

He needed to go in there. 

He needed to _scrub in –_

“Buck.”

Buck didn’t like the hands that were keeping him in place, because they were not letting him get to the OR room where he could help save the man he hasn’t had the pleasure of going out with yet. 

They haven’t had _their chance_ yet. And now…

And now, Eddie was lying on the table on the brink of death not knowing how Buck felt about him. He could be dying, and didn’t know how much Buck wanted to– 

He can’t just stand here and wait, when he had full clearance to go in there. 

He was a doctor, he could _help._

“Buck, you can’t.” 

He _can,_ and he will, if only these arms would just _let him go–_

The arms around him only tightened. 

“Buck. Deep breaths, come on. Hen and Bobby are going to take good care of Eddie, but I need you to _breathe._ ” 

The moment Buck heard Eddie’s name, it only emphasized the fact that this was real, and not just a figment of his imagination like he desperately wanted it to be. 

All the fight left his body. 

The adrenaline seemed to just vanish, leaving behind the sort of numb that had him lose all his senses, the only ones working were the necessary systems his body needed to keep him alive. 

Everything else was just…nothing. The last time he had felt this similar sort of numbness was when – 

When he found out that Kyle had died. 

_”Eddie.”_ Buck whispered, not even recognizing the sound of his own voice from how hollow it sounded, but Maddie had a firm grip on him, and was not going to let him go. 

“Buck.” 

It was a different voice this time. Buck forced himself to lift up his head, pushing through the phantom weight of thousand-pound bricks weighing it down to meet Athena’s wary gaze. She had cleaned off the blood from her hands, but Buck could still see the faint traces left on her shirt sleeves. 

“Come on, there’s a couple of waiting room chairs with our names on them.” Athena said quietly, and Buck didn’t have the heart to refuse the sergeant, not when she looked just as worn out as he was. He allowed Maddie to guide him, the trek to the chairs suddenly feeling like a five-mile hike rather than the few feet it really was. 

Sitting down only made things worse. 

For one thing, thoughts were now making themselves known and circling his head worse than the stars that showed up on top of those cartoon characters after they found a way to concuss themselves. 

He finally had a sense of what it felt like. 

“Eddie’s family, _Christopher –_ “ 

“They were notified. His parents live in Texas, but his grandmother and aunt are coming. Carla knows and is keeping Christopher busy until we get some news.” Maddie said softly, and Buck nodded slowly. “I got Abby to cover for you, so take as much time as you need.” Maddie added quietly. Buck had never been more grateful to have a sister that understood him on such a level. Knowing that Abby had things covered, he leaned in closer to soak up his sister’s warmth beside him. 

The wait was far more excruciating than the moment Buck realized it was Eddie on that stretcher. At least then, he could see the man for himself. He could see the damage, visualize all the vital arteries that bullet could have gone through and thought out all the possible methods of treatment. But now Eddie was in an OR room, and Buck was outside it, having no idea what was going on. 

The level of respect he had for families and friends he’s seen being in this position just rose, now that he knew what it felt like to be the one waiting for an outcome that may not even be in his favour. 

He told himself that Eddie was strong, a fighter, and he had the best doctors looking after him. 

Buck just had to have faith. 

Sometime during their wait, two women rushed into the waiting area looking like the devil was chasing after them. One was older than the other, and they were both muttering curses in Spanish. 

“Estúpido sobrino, lo voy a matar yo mismo cuando salga de la cirugía.” The younger one scowled, while the older seemed slightly calmer but no less worried. 

“Hola, we’re here for Edmundo Diaz? We were told he was brought in for surgery.” The older one said to the receptionist, but her eyes caught Athena’s right after who was already making her way towards them. 

“Isabel.” Athena was immediately caught in a hug, and Buck knew that this had to be Eddie’s grandmother. He watched as she drew in a sharp breath. 

“Athena, how are you doing? Estás bien? Are you alright?” Isabel asked, pulling back to scan Athena from top to bottom, and Athena let out a weak laugh, shaking her head.

“Your grandson took a bullet meant for me, I’m just peachy.” Athena lowered her gaze, but Isabel immediately shook her head. 

“My grandson did no such thing. He was doing his job, as he was supposed to. That bullet could have ended up in anyone, and I am sure he will feel the same when I say I’m glad you aren’t hurt.” Isabel smiled comfortingly, and Buck had never seen Athena look quite on the verge of tears as she was now. 

“How is he? Any news?” The other woman, Eddie’s aunt presumably, asked and this time Maddie spoke up. 

“Dr. Wilson and Dr. Nash are still working on him. They’ve been in there for an hour now.” Maddie informed, and Buck watched as the two women turned towards them. He could see them eyeing their hospital attire and came to sit in the chairs in front of them. 

“Hi, I’m Maddie Buckley, the head nurse here.” Maddie said, offering a small smile while Isabel and Eddie’s aunt gave her their own small smiles back. 

“Eddie’s mentioned you. I would say it’s nice to meet you, and it is, but I just wish it was under better circumstances.” Isabel said, and Maddie nodded in understanding. “I’m Isabel Diaz, Eddie’s abuela. This is Josephina, or Pepa, Eddie’s aunt.” Isabel introduced, and when their eyes landed on Buck, he suddenly felt a type of nervousness he couldn’t quite place at the moment. 

“Uh, hi. It’s nice to meet you both. I’m a doctor. Here.” Buck stuttered, wincing when he realized he was essentially introducing himself to Eddie’s family and his tongue decided to play hooky. 

Awesome. 

“Hmm. And I thought you two just dressed alike.” Josephina seemed amused, eyes darting between Buck and Maddie, making his cheeks heat up in embarrassment. 

“Sorry, it’s just…been quite the day. Dr. Evan Buckley, I’m the head of pediatrics here.” Buck’s voice was fuller than before, but still lacked in strength. He was prepared for a handshake, maybe even a confused question as to why a doctor who looked after kids mostly was even doing here. 

He was not prepared for Isabel and Josephina to exchange a knowing look, their expressions seeming to brighten. 

“Evan, was it? Edmundo’s talked about you. A _lot._ ” Isabel was now looking at him with an almost playful glint in her eyes, and Buck didn’t quite know which woman to keep his focus on, because Josephina was practically _glowing._

“Oh yes, that sobrino of mine could not stop raving about the ‘hombre muy guapo’ he’s had the pleasure of meeting.” Josephina smirked, and Buck wasn’t at all fluent in Spanish, but he had spent a few months volunteering in South America when he was still an attending, and could understand a few phrases. 

_Handsome man._

Oh, Eddie was not only trying to kill him with his charm face-to-face, but also when he was unconscious and lying on an OR table. 

Wonderful. 

They chatted lightly after that, Buck answering some questions Isabel had about how he became a doctor, if he had met Christopher yet, and avoided any and all talk about the big elephant in the room. Maddie, Athena, and Josephina were chatting up a storm, something about why meatballs needed to be submerged in water which, up until now, Buck had no idea was even a thing. They each had the same thought – to wait until Hen and Bobby gave them an update, and until then they will remain optimistic. 

“Hey guys. Anything?” 

Buck looked up to see an exhausted Chimney making his way over to his sister, giving her a tired kiss on the head before sitting down in an empty spot on the other side of her.

“Not yet.” Maddie said softly, and Chimney dipped his head politely to Athena before introducing himself to Isabel and Josephina. 

“Hi. I’m Dr. Han, head of orthopedics.” Isabel and Josephina offered him a small wave, which he returned. Buck could tell from Chimney’s expression that the patient he had been working on most likely didn’t have a good outcome. Most likely feeling his stare, Chimney met his gaze and nodded imperceptibly. 

“The brother died in surgery, too much internal bleeding. I paid a visit to Christian and according to him, the shooter barely survived, but is in a coma right now. He does show signs of normal brain activity, so if nothing goes wrong, he should wake up.” Chimney murmured quietly, out of range from Isabel and Josephina and Buck drew in a sharp breath.

Looks like karma was a bitch, but not completely unjust. The guy deserved to rot in prison, as death was too easy a ticket. 

With that thought, the OR doors opened, and Buck had never sprung out of a chair as quickly as he had when he spotted Bobby making his way over, tugging off his mask tiredly.

“Family of Eddie Diaz?” Bobby asked, sticking to routine, and Isabel and Josephina nodded, hands wrapping around each other tightly. 

“I’m his grandmother, this is his aunt. Is Edmundo okay?” Isabel asked all in one breath, and Buck took in an unsteady breath, waiting for Bobby’s verdict. 

“I’m Dr. Nash. I operated on your grandson along with Dr. Wilson, our head trauma surgeon. It was a through and through on his right shoulder, but luckily the bullet didn’t hit any vital arteries. We had to re-inflate his collapsed lung, and he lost a lot of blood. He coded twice on the table, but we managed to resuscitate him and stop the bleeding. He’s going to need a lot of rest, but he’s going to be alright.” Bobby smiled, and Buck felt the lead in his body filtering out as he collapsed against the waiting room chairs again. 

_”He’s going to be alright.”_

No words could ever amount to the ones he had heard just now. 

Eddie was _alive._

“Can we see him?” Isabel asked, and Bobby nodded. 

“We’re moving him up to recovery now, and then you can see him. Two people at a time, as we’re still monitoring him closely.” Bobby said, and the two women nodded. Buck met Bobby’s gaze over their heads, watching as he gave him a small smile, a silent reassurance. Buck felt his breath hitching, not knowing if Bobby could see how grateful he was for him, how utterly relieved he was, but by the way Bobby nodded imperceptibly, he knew. Athena was gripping Bobby’s arms in a vice-grip, and Bobby was murmuring something to her in a low tone, too quiet for anyone else to hear. Whatever it was, it seemed to have Athena’s shoulders relaxing, and with that, Bobby turned to enter the OR once again.

“Let’s go see our boy.” Isabel smiled, her gaze landing on Buck and he distantly wondered what exactly Eddie had said about him for both his grandmother and aunt to be looking at him the way they were. 

An overwhelming wave of warmth lit up inside him when he realized that he now had the chance to _ask._

The white sheets on the hospital bed almost matched with how pale Eddie looked lying there, but Buck knew from experience that as long as Eddie started his normal routine again when he woke up, his colouring would get better. Isabel and Josephina had gone in first, and Buck respectfully did not mention the tear tracks on their cheeks along with their slightly smeared mascara when they walked out. He did, however, grunt in surprise when both women had pulled him into a hug. 

“Please, take care of our little Edmundo.” Isabel whispered, and Buck knew that her words meant much more than just between these hospital walls. 

“I will do my best.” Buck murmured back, his heart thudding loudly in his chest when Isabel kissed him chastely on the cheek. The two women had left on the promise that Buck and the others would watch over Eddie for them since visiting hours had long since passed. Athena went in after, but she had two children at home waiting for her return so with the promise that she be updated frequently on Eddie’s condition (which Buck knew Hen would do anyway), Maddie volunteered to accompany her to her car. Carla was also updated, and she promised to bring in Christopher tomorrow after he was finished school. 

Which left Buck where he was now, standing by the foot of Eddie’s bed and watching with hawk-eyes at the steady rise and fall of Eddie’s chest. He had checked the monitors five times now, when triple checking and quadruple checking wasn’t enough to make sure he didn’t miss anything. His eyes fell to a hand that had been so warm the last time he held it, but this time when he reached forward to squeeze it, there was no squeeze back. 

He didn’t know it was possible to yearn so vividly for someone’s touch. 

“You scared me today.” Buck said quietly, afraid to disturb the loud beeping of the machines as they worked to convince him that Eddie was, in fact, alive. Feeling a wave of exhaustion fall over him, Buck gently sat down on the bed beside Eddie’s legs, his limp hand still gently cradled between his own. 

“The surgery went well. Dr. Wilson is one of the best trauma surgeons there is, and she even got the chief of surgery to scrub in.” Buck chuckled quietly, leaning forward and using one hand to brush Eddie’s hair, now free of any product, gently out of his eyes. He couldn’t help letting his hand drift down to Eddie’s cheek, having a sudden urge to squeeze them and see if he could get him to open his eyes if he squeezed hard enough. 

He liked the man too much for that though. 

“When you wake up, I’m going to say yes to that date you owe me, you hear me? Not sure if that sounds like enough of an incentive but…” Buck trailed off sheepishly, his cheeks turning pink even though Eddie wasn’t awake to see it. “ _I miss you._ ” Buck lifted their hands to place a gentle kiss on Eddie’s knuckles. 

“Get some rest and wake up, okay?” Buck gave Eddie one last squeeze of his hand, before slowly getting up from the bed and walking out of the room quietly where a nurse had politely waited outside to not cause a disturbance. Buck nodded to him, getting a small nod back before heading back to his office. He wasn’t sure if it was the exhausting events of the day, but he could barely go through one paperwork let alone the entire pile of Mount Everest on his desk. 

“He did not, in fact, have little angels with tiny halos fly out of him.” 

Buck startled at that, looking up to see Hen leaning against the doorway to his office. 

“He’ll wake up before you know it.” Hen continued, walking inside when Buck waved her in. 

“Thank you, for saving him.” Buck said softly, and Hen chuckled. 

“Bobby and I only did 50% of the work. The rest was all him. Your man is a real fighter.” Hen sat down heavily in the chair in front of his desk while Buck leaned back against his.

“Not my man.” Buck joked, laughing weakly when Hen reached forward on his desk to throw an entire notepad at him. “So, we’re upgrading from pens to stacks of miniaturized paper now?” 

“You two are literally the only ones who can’t see how sappy you act when you’re anywhere near each other. It almost makes _me_ feel single, let alone Chimney and Maddie, and I’ve been married for close to eight years.” Hen mused, and Buck really didn’t know what to say to that. 

“How’s Karen doing, by the way? I know her appointment isn’t until a few weeks from now, but you know I will gladly check her over anytime, no appointment necessary.” Buck said, and Hen shook her head. 

“She’s doing fine, Buck, but thank you. She’s at the cravings stage now, which is always fun.” Hen scrunched her nose as if remembering something foul, which, everything considered, probably was exactly what was happening as Karen’s cravings last time were truly horrifying. 

“Oh no.” Buck winced, and Hen nodded in agreement. 

“Oh yes. I found her on the couch last night, sobbing over Hachi and eating creamed cheese on vanilla ice cream.” Hen shuddered. Buck tried to imagine eating that himself and felt his stomach starting to churn. Though interestingly enough, Karen’s cravings weren’t the weirdest ones he’s seen. There was one mother who practically begged him to make her stop wanting to eat every single raw onion she saw, including the ones at the grocery store, so that had been fun. 

“Is that even – “ 

“At this point I don’t question it anymore.” Hen sighed, running a hand down her face before leaning against it on the armrest. Buck started to pick at a loose sticky-note on one of his books, distracting himself as Hen stared at him thoughtfully. 

“Alright, tell me what’s really bothering you.” Hen said, and Buck almost fell out of his chair at the sudden transition. 

“What?” Buck blinked, bewildered at Hen’s raised eyebrow, staring him down steadily. 

“You’ve been stewing over something ever since the last glimpse I saw of you before I went into the OR. I want to know what it is.” Hen said bluntly, and Buck wondered if Hen had grown a sixth sense because how had she even _seen_ through that? 

“I’m not even going to ask how you know.” Buck sighed, watching Hen warily. There truly had been something on the back of his mind when he saw Eddie lying on that stretcher covered in blood. It was a background thought at the time, and clearly not important, so he had pushed it away. 

He didn’t want to push it back anymore, and judging from Hen’s stare, she wasn’t going to let it go until he told her. 

“It’s just…if Eddie and I start dating – “ 

“ _If?_ ” Hen interrupted in disbelief, and Buck threw her an unimpressed look. 

“As I was saying, _if_ Eddie and I start dating...given his line of work, this won’t be the last time he’s going to be here as a patient.” Buck said quietly, and Hen nodded along, but didn’t interrupt this time as she knew he wasn’t finished. “And I’m prepared to live with that, because he loves his job, just as I love mine. He’s good at his job too, like insanely good – “ 

“Buck, sweetheart, please get to the point.” Hen chuckled fondly, and Buck bit his lip as he thought over his next words. 

“I couldn’t move, when I saw him covered in blood today, on that stretcher. And if we start dating, he’s going to be meeting all of us, becoming family, and I’m just – “ Buck cut himself off, a wave of dread washing through him. Hen looked thoughtful, pondering everything that Buck said for a moment.

“You’re afraid we won’t be able to operate on him with a clear head if we grow closer.” Hen said softly, her eyes now lighting with understanding. Buck squirmed in his seat. 

“I just, don’t want complete strangers operating on him because I know you all, and you guys are the best at what you do. But if we can’t do our jobs right because he’s family…” Buck lowered his gaze, opting to stare at his laptop that displayed the hospital’s logo proudly on both the home-screen and the lockscreen. He was dimly aware that Hen was watching him carefully, processing the words that were being said. 

“You know, as much as Grey’s is a very medically inaccurate show,” Hen started, and Buck almost wanted to page Maddie over just so he could say ‘told you so!’ to her face, but that wouldn’t really be very adultlike. “It did something right. You even said so yourself today.” Hen said, and Buck tilted his head in question. Her next words were resolute. 

“We are doctors before anything else.” 

Buck felt the wind get knocked out of him at that, suddenly having an idea where Hen was going with this. 

“When Eddie becomes family, there is no doubt in my mind that we will be feeling more shaken if something like this happens again. But at the end of the day, he will be a _patient._ And we all made a vow to give our all to patients that put their lives in our hands, and I can confidently say for all of us, that we don’t plan on breaking that vow anytime soon.” There was so much conviction in Hen’s tone, that Buck could feel a lump starting to form at the back of his throat from the emotional day they were all having.

“I’m not saying that I would trust myself to operate on Karen, because she is my wife, and it’s a different kind of love I will be having with Eddie.” Hen cracked a smile at the end, causing Buck to let out a short burst of surprised laughter. 

“I sure hope it is.” Buck snorted, the beginnings of a wide smile making its way onto his lips. 

“But I trust the other trauma surgeons, my team, to keep a level head when I can’t. Same with you, Buck. You have us, your team, whenever and wherever you need us. Because we are all part of a greater whole, and when one of us can’t see reason, we have more people to have our backs to support us until we do.” Hen finished, and Buck suddenly felt infinitely lighter than he had before they had this conversation. 

Hen was right. Even if this happened in the future, or if one of their own got hurt, the entire hospital staff will be backing them up and pulling them out from any pit they dug themselves into. Like when Maddie immediately assisted Hen with no questions asked, or when Chimney worked through an entire shift in the trauma bay because it would lighten the load for the other trauma surgeons. 

They were a team, a unit, and teams had each other’s backs. 

“Thanks, Hen.” Buck smiled, and Hen reached forward to squeeze his hand over the table. 

“Anytime, Buckaroo.” 

.

.

.

Eddie was a real stubborn son of a bitch. 

Buck was ready to just pour a bucket of cold water on his head to see if he was teasing them with not waking up in a reasonable amount of time after surgery. In hindsight, there technically wasn’t a ‘reasonable’ amount of anything after surgery, but Eddie was really pushing Buck’s patience. 

And heightening his worry. 

The longer Eddie stayed asleep, the more Buck wanted to see those ever-expressive warm brown eyes again, and he couldn’t do that when his stubborn eyelids refused to open. 

“Shouldn’t he be awake by now?” 

Buck was standing in the doorway to Eddie’s room, out of sight from Carla and Christopher who had arrived a few hours ago, the little boy having finished his homework and was now colouring something on a piece of paper. 

“Buck, the man just survived a bullet to the shoulder. I think if his body decides he still needs rest, we let him rest.” Maddie said patiently, giving her brother a little nudge on the shoulder. “You’re not going to go in?” Maddie asked, and Buck’s eyes widened. 

“What? Uh, no? Christopher is in there. And Carla.” Buck tipped his head towards the two people in the room, but Maddie only raised an eyebrow at him. Leaning against the wall adjacent to him, Buck squirmed at the incredulous look on her face as she stared him down. 

“I’m sorry, did I miss something? Are you scared to go into the room because of a 7-year-old?” Maddie was beyond perplexed, and Buck pouted. 

“You’re making it sound weirder than it is. Christopher is Eddie’s _son,_ and if I go in there, he’s going to ask me questions I will definitely not know how to answer.” Buck sighed, watching as Christopher looked up to ask Carla something, who smiled brightly before answering him. He looked back at Maddie, and was puzzled why she was staring at him, dumbfounded. 

“Buck, you literally interact with children 24/7.” 

“Christopher is different.” 

“Did he somehow turn into an adult in the past few months we haven’t seen him?” 

“Oh come on, that’s not what I –“ 

“Scratch that. Even if he is a miniaturized adult, you still have absolutely no excuse not to go in there. They care for Eddie, _you_ care for Eddie, you all should care for Eddie together instead of one of you sulking outside the door because you’re too scared to go in.” Maddie crossed her arms defiantly, the two engaging in an intense staring contest for a few moments before Buck sighed, defeated. 

Right. Now or never. 

He straightened his shoulders, getting up from the wall so that he was well in sight of Carla and Christopher. 

“If I page 911 on you, you better come get me.” Buck grumbled, glaring at his sister who only smiled at him innocently. 

“Of course, Dr. Buckley. Now go woo his family and see your man.” Maddie gave him a little push through the doorway, and Buck barely hissed back a ‘he’s _not_ my man!’ before stumbling into the room. He winced when he saw Carla physically startle slightly, and Christopher looked up from where he had started his second drawing. 

“Um, hi.” Buck stuttered, spinning around to make a notion of knocking on the door before realizing that was a little counter-productive now and spun around again. That motion made him momentarily dizzy, and he reached out to grasp the closest thing which just happened to be the handle to the bathroom. Buck yelped as the door opened, and quickly moved to shut it, foot knocking into a stray overbed table as he stumbled, mentally noting to move it out later to not take up the unnecessary space. 

Or for him to trip over it again the next time he came in. 

Buck lifted his eyes to them again, noticing that Carla looked like she was hiding a grin and distracted himself at that fact by glancing at the whiteboard on the wall that listed Eddie’s general information. The nurse who wrote it really had very nice handwriting. “I’m…not sure if you remember, but I’m Dr. Diaz. Buckley! Not Diaz Buckley, just Buckley. We’re not married. Or together, because that would be weird. Not weird, just not yet. Actually, that’s not right either, because uh – shoot, um, hi? I’m Dr. Buckley.” Buck was sure his cheeks were five different shades of red at this point, and pointedly ignored the soft snickers outside that could only be Maddie who was now joined by Hen and Chimney. 

Traitors, the whole lot of them. 

“Hello doctor, and no need for that dear, I remember you. We’ve met before, is there anything we can do for you?” Carla grinned, not fazed at all by his entrance, and Buck would even say she looked quite endeared. 

“Dr. Buck!” 

Buck looked down to see Christopher grinning up at him, and all of his words seemed to find themselves working coherently. 

“Christopher! Hey little man, how have you been? And I told you, it’s just Buck.” Buck shot him a bright smile, and Christopher giggled. 

“Buck! I drew something! Y-you think daddy will, daddy will like it?” Christopher asked, and Buck walked closer, thankfully not tripping over air, and leaned down to see the drawing. It was as good as any 7-year-old’s drawing skills could be, but Buck could distinctly make out a tall man standing next to a shorter one, holding hands and grinning as they walked in what looked like a park. 

“Are you kidding? Your daddy will love it! He’ll wake up before you know it, and when he’s all healed up you two can go to the park anytime you want.” Buck smiled, crouching down beside the chair Christopher was sitting in. 

“Hi Winnie.” Christopher grinned, reaching out to pat the bear sitting in Buck’s pocket gently. Buck didn’t even think twice before taking him out, placing it gently into Christopher’s grip. The boy immediately brightened, and cradled Winnie close, all the while being careful not to squash him. He must have been sadder than he let on, because if anything, Buck knew with his time with kids that they were some of the strongest people and the best liars he knew. 

Which gave Buck an idea. 

“Hey Christopher, why don’t you take care of Winnie today? I have some things I still need to do and I’m afraid Winnie might feel lonely. You think you can give him some love until I see you again tomorrow?” Buck asked, and was rewarded with a smile that could provide enough sunlight for an entire field of solar panels. 

“Really? I c-can? Thank you, Buck!” Christopher cheered, and Buck smiled when lithe arms wrapped around his shoulders. He lifted a hand and gently patted Christopher on the back. With the boy preoccupied with both the bear and another drawing, Buck got up from his spot on the ground to check the monitors at Eddie’s bedside and the man lying in the bed. His chest was rising in the same rhythm as it had last night, and Buck couldn’t help but feel a little disheartened. 

“He really does have a perfect bone structure.” 

Buck couldn’t help a startled laugh, turning to see Carla watching him with a knowing look in her eyes. 

“The day I first met him to talk about Christopher, that was the first thing I noticed. That, and how strong he is. Which is why Christopher and I both know he will be opening his eyes soon and complaining about getting back to work in no time.” Carla chuckled, and Buck snorted, rolling his eyes in agreement. He shifted his gaze to the side quickly, noticing that Christopher was too preoccupied with his drawing and talking to Winnie to listen in on their conversation. 

“Yeah, he really is a fighter, isn’t he? If he happens to wake up and do just that, and none of the staff are in the room, tell him that there will be five very angry hospital personnel ready to call in Athena to cuff him to the bed if we have to.” Buck joked, feeling himself relax slightly when Carla laughed. 

“Of course. Though, you might have to fight Chris on that one because he’s going to latch onto him as soon as he wakes.” Carla mused, pointing her chin at Christopher who was now holding a crayon against Winnie’s tiny paw and tracing something on paper together. Buck just smiled at that, his heart glowing with warmth at the amount of love between father and son these two shared. 

He never got to experience what it was like for a father to love their children so intensely, so it was always heartwarming when he saw families as close-knit as this one.

And at that moment, his pager sounded, and Buck took it out to see that it was a consult from Chimney about a kid that just came in with a broken clavicle from a biking accident.

“I have to go, but it was nice seeing you again Carla. Christopher.” Buck reached down to ruffle the boy’s soft curls, and grinned when Christopher laughed. 

“You can just – just call me Chris. See you soon, Buck!” Christopher grinned, waving, and Carla gave him a warm smile. 

“You go do your thing, Dr. Buckley, we’ll definitely be seeing more of each other soon.” Carla winked, her words definitely meaning something more, and Buck vaguely wondered if he was the only one who couldn’t see how obvious he and Eddie were being. 

They weren’t even together yet, and somehow, everyone they have had the pleasure to meet had placed them together as if it were the easiest thing in the world. 

Eddie didn’t wake up later that afternoon when Athena swung by, nor after when Carla and Christopher had left. He didn’t wake up in the morning at Isabel and Josephina’s visit nor after when Buck went to check on him. He still didn’t wake up when Buck went, once again, to check during his lunch break. 

He was beginning to lose it. 

So, to say what happened next was beyond embarrassing would be an understatement. 

“Alright, I get it. You love sleep! Considering the jobs you and I have, I truly respect that. Really, I do. You can sleep all you want, but can’t you do that _after_ you wake up? You are the literal epitome of a polar bear who thinks that they can drive everyone up the wall with worry by not waking up when they’re supposed to, hibernation be damned. Oh wait, they don’t even hibernate!” Buck scowled, not even bothering to knock this time as he barged into Eddie’s room to pace the floors by his bed. He probably should have paid more attention though, because there was a half-drank bottle of water with a straw in it on the overbed table that had not been there a couple hours before. 

“And truly, I get it. I love sleep! Not that I get a lot of it, and not even in the sexual sense. And not that I want to sleep with you, I do, but not really. But this is just ridiculous! Christopher misses you like crazy and poor Carla has been worried out of her mind and trying to hide it, so you are going to wake your ass up today, before I start pulling out IV needles.” Buck glowered, narrowing his eyes at the IV stand and at the heart monitor that was – 

Offering values that only an awake man should have. 

Oh. 

Swallowing with an effort, Buck slowly turned his eyes to the bed, and promptly burst into flames right there when a pair of tired, but fully amused brown eyes stared at him adoringly. 

“You want to sleep with me?” Eddie croaked, his voice scratchy from the lack of use, and Buck scowled, forgetting his momentary embarrassment in favour of looking as annoyed as he could. He kind of hated the flood of relief washing through him, walking forward to shove the bottle of water at Eddie, glaring at him into drinking more. 

“That is not what you should have taken from all that.” Buck muttered, carefully taking back the water when Eddie was finished, and throwing the now empty bottle into a nearby recycling bin. 

“You were worried about me.” Eddie observed, a grin on his lips, and Buck kind of wanted to stick another IV into the man. If he wasn’t a doctor and expected to uphold his vows, he probably would have. 

“Of course I was _worried,_ you dickhead, you have no idea what it felt like to see you covered with blood and not being able to do a damn thing about it.” Buck lowered his gaze at the end, his memories taking him back to that night in the hospital where he had felt his entire world closing in on him. 

It was probably too early, to feel as strong as he did for the man, but Buck had always given his all in terms of feelings, and this would be no different. 

It had been a curse, once, but he was learning to slowly mend from mistakes he couldn’t control. 

“I’m sorry you had to see that.” Eddie said delicately, reaching out a hand and Buck immediately took it in his. 

This time, when he squeezed, the hand _squeezed back._

“I’m just glad you’re okay.” Buck smiled when he felt the hand in his squeezing his again, and decided to fuck it and tangle their fingers together. He looked up to see Eddie’s eyes widening in surprise, and Buck wondered if this would be a good time to say it. 

There was no guarantee for tomorrow, and he had made himself a promise to do it when Eddie woke up, so it was now or never. 

"So, according to Dr. Wilson, you’re a lucky son of a bitch. If you don’t overdo it, you’ll be out of the hospital in a week, but on light duty for at least a month.” Buck said sweetly, and Eddie groaned. 

“And Athena’s probably going to make sure it stays that way.” Eddie grumbled. Buck nodded, feeling his heart starting to pick up speed at what he was going to say next. 

Deep breaths, Buckley. 

“It also means you’ll be free for a movie night when you’re discharged. I have a few in my Netflix queue I picked out just for us.” Buck said quickly, watching as Eddie seemed to be processing his words one at a time before his eyes widened. 

“Are you saying – “ 

“Daddy!” 

Buck quickly let go of Eddie’s hand as the sound of Christopher’s clutches made their way inside the room. Getting up from his spot on Eddie’s bed, Buck discreetly helped Christopher onto it instead, smiling when Eddie giving him a grateful look. 

“You’re awake.” Christopher smiled brightly, wrapping his arms carefully around his father’s midsection, and Eddie ran his good hand down his son’s back. 

“Hi, mijo. I missed you.” Eddie leaned his head down to press a quick kiss in Christopher’s hair. Buck gestured for Carla to sit down but she politely declined with a kind smile. 

“About time you opened those big beautiful eyes of yours. I’ve started missing you fretting about everything.” Carla teased, and Buck stifled a grin at Eddie’s offended look. 

“Well hello to you too, Carla.” Eddie huffed, a smile already playing on his lips. 

“Buck, I took – took care of Winnie.” Christopher shuffled on the bed, and Buck could see that he had worn a button-up today just so he could keep Winnie in his shirt pocket. 

It was the single most adorable sight he had ever seen. 

“Thank you, Chris! Winnie looks really happy; you did a wonderful job.” Buck grinned, watching as Christopher preened at his praise. He moved to take Winnie out of his pocket, gesturing Buck to lean down and who was he not to comply with the request? Buck chuckled when Christopher safely tucked Winnie into his doctor’s white coat, patting the bear on the head one last time. There was a hint of sadness in his gaze that had Buck leaning down towards Winnie, as if listening to a big secret.

“What’s that? Oh, is he? I’ll be sure to tell him that.” Buck looked up at Christopher again, who was watching him with a confused smile. 

“Winnie tells me that he enjoyed his time with you so much, that whenever you’re wanting to spend some time with him, to tell Buck and he’ll gladly let you take Winnie home again. But in the meantime, he has a friend that also needs a home.” Buck grinned, pulling out another teddy bear from his pockets, and while Winnie was black with a light brown snout, this one was light brown with a black snout. Christopher’s eyes lit up at the sight of the bear, and Buck put it into Christopher’s hands as he stared at it in awe. 

“Buck, we match.” Christopher grinned, and Buck gasped in faux surprise. 

“Well would you look at that, we do!” Buck gave Christopher a high-five, glancing up at Eddie to see if he had any qualms about this but only saw warm brown eyes watching their exchange quietly. 

“I’m going to name her Piglet.” Christopher announced, hugging the bear tightly to his chest. Buck was only slightly confused. 

“Oh?” 

“Because now they’re best friends.” Christopher giggled, and honestly, Buck thinks the Diaz boys really needed to reel in their charm if they wanted him to survive past 50 from the amount of cuteness. 

“What do you say to Buck, mijo?” Eddie prompted gently, and Christopher looked up at Buck again. 

“Thank you, Buck!” Christopher exclaimed happily, and thankfully, it was Eddie with a heart monitor because Buck was sure his heartrate would not be beeping as calmly as Eddie’s was at the moment. 

“You’re welcome.” Buck said lightly, noticing that Carla was watching Eddie who was watching Buck with a curious look in her eyes. 

“Chris, how about we go get you and Piglet some snacks? I’m sure she’s hungry.” Carla suggested, smirking when Buck narrowed his eyes at her suspiciously. Christopher nodded, hugging Eddie before hopping off the bed with Buck’s help with a promise of being back soon. The nurses who noticed him walking out of the room greeted him warmly, and Buck watched as Christopher easily enthralled them into conversation. 

“How many of those do you keep on you?” 

Buck turned to Eddie, who was watching him with an intrigued look in his eyes. 

“Not nearly as much as you might think. Most of the patients I see are consults or repeats, so whenever I know I’m getting a new one I keep some in my pockets.” Buck responded, walking over to sit in the spot Christopher had vacated, facing Eddie. 

“I can’t believe we haven’t met before all this. Chris has been here a few times, and I’m pretty sure I’ve come here more times than I can count on my shifts and never seen you. I did ask about you once though, when Chris mentioned the ‘coolest doctor ever’ visiting him, but the doctor I did see had said you were a hard one to catch.” Eddie grinned, eyes twinkling, and Buck rolled his eyes through a smile. 

Ah, now what Abby had said made sense. 

“I’m mostly roaming around, answering pages when I’m needed. Other times I’m holed up in my office doing boring paperwork, so I guess, in a sense, it’s hard to catch me if you don’t know where to look.” Buck shrugged, smiling when Eddie reached forward again to lace their fingers together. 

“Thank you, for being here. I know you must have a lot on your plate.” Eddie murmured, and Buck mentally shoved the image of the mountain of paperwork still on his desk. Instead, he leaned in closer to Eddie, grinning when he heard the beeping of the heart monitor picking up speed. 

“I really hate those machines.” Eddie groaned, his cheeks turning pink at being found out how much Buck affected him just by being in close proximity, making the latter laugh blithely. 

“Those monitors are the ones working hard to tell me you’re alive and well, so I actually quite like them.” Buck teased, squeezing Eddie’s hand affectionately. There was a peaceful moment where the two men found themselves just staring at each other again, but this time, something tense lingered in the air. A static that needed to be released, to be grounded by something. Eddie broke their staring contest by swiping a thumb across Buck’s knuckles, and the tenderness of that simple gesture had Buck’s chest tightening all over again.

He wasn’t sure who leaned in first, or who could see them from outside the open door – not that he particularly cared – because all Buck could feel right now was the feeling of Eddie’s lips against his. Warmth seeped through his entire body as their lips slowly molded against one another, both of them smiling too much for anything more than a light pressure of reassurance that they both wanted this. 

It was a moment of ‘finally,’ a moment where they finally gave in to the one thing they had both wanted for _so long._

“So, do you think I could, you know, finally get your number?” Eddie whispered, tongue flicking out teasingly and Buck couldn’t resist in pressing another quick kiss to his lips.

And then the question finally registered. 

Buck groaned, pulling back now, but didn’t let go of their hands that still had their fingers interlaced tightly. 

“Actually, you already have it.” Buck said sheepishly, his eyes now glued to their hands clasped together on the bed. He could feel the confusion radiating off of Eddie in waves, and breathed in deeply to prepare himself for what was coming next. 

“I do?” 

Buck took out his phone out of his pocket with his free hand, before slowly typing out a text and sending it to Eddie who had grabbed his phone from the bedside table. He knew the exact moment Eddie finally realized when a muffled gasp sounded through the room. 

“ _You’re_ John Doe?” Eddie blurted, and Buck blinked. 

What. 

“Did you seriously name me _John Doe_ in your contacts?” Buck’s eyes widened in astonishment, not quite believing what he was hearing. Eddie flipped his phone around for Buck to see, and indeed, written at the top of the screen in capital letters were the words ‘JOHN DOE.’ 

“That is the most detective thing I’ve ever seen.” Buck snorted, laughing hysterically, and only laughing harder when he saw Eddie glaring at him. It was hilarious now, knowing that Eddie hadn’t managed to figure it out, and he really wanted to ingrain this moment to memory. 

And then suddenly it wasn’t quite so funny anymore.

“So, you’re telling me, that you’ve known who I was long before we met?” Eddie prompted smugly, and Buck immediately stopped laughing. 

Shit. 

“Well, uh, I can neither confirm nor deny that I’ve seen you around the hospital sometimes during shifts. Maybe a lot.” Buck admitted, frowning when he saw a shit-eating grin on Eddie’s face. “Okay, fine, so _maybe_ I had a little bit of a crush on you. For a while.” Buck pouted, scowling when that grin still hasn’t left Eddie’s face. 

“Evan Buckley. Were you playing _hard to get_ with me?” Eddie asked playfully, though it was more of a statement than a question. 

The bastard. 

“You were just really hot, okay? Like, top-tier gorgeous. And I didn’t think you’d want to talk to me.” Eddie furrowed his eyebrows slightly at that, the hand holding his squeezing tightly. 

“Why not?” Eddie asked, bewildered, and Buck shrugged. 

“I’m not perfect.” 

Buck wasn’t sure if Eddie understood everything he wasn’t saying, and there were a lot, that he wasn’t. But judging by the way Eddie’s expression softened in understanding, he knew the detective could hear the words being unsaid. 

“Neither am I.” Eddie slowly untangled their clasped hands to reach up and cup the back of Buck’s neck tenderly, his thumb rubbing small, comforting circles on his skin. “But I want to try, Buck. So badly, because I see so much potential in us.” Eddie finished reverently, and Buck angled himself closer to lean their foreheads together. 

“Me too.” 

Before he can talk himself out of it, Buck tilted his head to press a gentle kiss against Eddie’s cheek. 

“We can start by going on that date you wanted.” 

.

When Buck left Eddie in the care of Christopher and Carla with one last kiss and the promise of coming again, his legs felt like he had just run an entire marathon with no pit stops. His head was currently floating on a sailboat bobbing in tune to the ocean’s waves. 

“Buck, I am so happy that you finally landed that date you’ve been yearning for the past three and a half months, really, I am. But you’re scaring the interns, so you might want to tone down the lovesick puppy look you have going on right now.” Buck turned his head languidly to see Maddie at the nurses’ station, watching him in fond exasperation. He made his way over, taking the iPad that Maddie handed over to him. 

“Pinch me sis, because I’m not entirely sure I’m not still dreaming.” Buck was still swaying slightly, as if in a daze, and Maddie didn’t even hesitate in squeezing his cheek and pulling it painfully to the side. 

Well that certainly did the job. 

“Ow! Mads, what the hell?” 

“You told me to pinch you! I merely followed through.” 

“Yeah, on the _arm_ like a considerate human being, not tearing my flesh apart!” 

“Oh please, that was hardly anything. Maybe we should talk about that heartfelt soliloquy you gave until you finally realized that Eddie was awake.”

“Wait…you _knew_ he was awake?” 

“He woke up 10 minutes before you arrived.” 

“And you didn’t think to, oh, I don’t know, page me?” 

“Where’s the fun in that? I, for one, quite enjoyed you strutting in there and loudly proclaiming your desire to sleep with the man of your dreams.” 

“…”

“.”

“I really hate you, you know that?” 

“Love you too, little bro.”

  


One of the interns watching the exchange turned to their attending beside them, her eyes widened by terror.

“Wasn’t that the head of Peds and the head nurse?” 

“Concentrate on your charts, newbie.” 

.

.

.

When Buck walked into his office 10 days later, he had never been happier to continue his paperwork. It goes to show how one’s mood could be uplifted simply by spending the entire weekend with the Diaz boys. The routine of taking care of Eddie, changing his gauze, cooking for them both, helping Christopher with his homework, organizing playdates between Winnie and Piglet, and kissing the detective whenever he wanted left a permanent happy imprint on his heart. It was also a little scary, how well Eddie had healed in a short amount of time, but whenever the topic was brought up Buck would smugly tell Eddie that he had the best caregiver, which would usually result in the discussion ending in bed. At first, Buck had reprimanded him about not being cleared for any sort of activity in the bedroom by his doctor, but the argument quickly went void. Sitting in his chair and facing the paperwork on the desk in front of him, Buck couldn’t help a shiver when he remembered Eddie’s lips against the shell of his ear, too out of it to remember exactly what was said. But Buck remembered telling himself that technically, as a doctor himself, he was more than qualified to offer a second opinion. And Eddie seemed to be doing just fine in their playful endeavors in bed, both shoulders being more than a little distracting.

> **Eddie:** Christopher has not stopped cheering since I told him you’d be spending the night again

  


Buck smiled at the text, grinning at the mental image of Christopher’s bright laughter and felt his heart pounding in his chest, yet again, from how happy this new change of pace in his life was. 

But even with the best summer breeze, a gust of unforeseen circumstances can change a seemingly innocent high tide into a raging tsunami. 

“Buck.” 

Buck looked up to see Hen at his office doorway, her eyes wide with panic and fingers tapping frantically against the doorframe. 

“Hen? Is everything okay? Is it Karen?” Buck sat up straighter in his chair, and immediately knew something was off when Hen swallowed painfully. Buck watched her breathe in heavily before her lips formed two words that had ice settling in his veins. 

_“He’s out.”_

A year ago, Buck had been in this chair, in this exact position when they told him that Kyle had taken his own life. 

Now, he was still in that chair, hearing the words that he would have never been prepared for in this lifetime. 

_He’s_ out. The man who had made his life, _their_ lives, a living hell was back, and the onslaught of residing emotions from back then came flooding back in full force. 

“Bobby wants to see us, all of us, in his office.” Hen said quietly, and Buck gripped the edge of the mahogany desk in his office tighter, his knuckles turning white from how hard he was latching on. His body on autopilot, he obediently got up from his desk to walk beside Hen, who curled a hand around his arm to help ground both of them to the present. The normal trek to Bobby’s office seemed to take a lifetime instead of the usual 7 minutes, and Buck was immediately greeted with the sight of his sister and Chimney already there, looking haggard. Bobby’s expression was solemn, turning his iPad to show Buck the news headline on the screen.

  


_**DOUG KENDALL, FATHER OF THE LATE KYLE KENDALL HAS BEEN RELEASED ON PAROLE AS OF 13:30 TODAY. HE IS ALL SMILES AS HE TAKES IN THE SUNSHINE FOR THE FIRST TIME IN 152 DAYS.** _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I couldn't help myself with a Shakespeare reference 😂😂 Little Hamlet is a cutie though 💕
> 
> Next two chapters will be updated together, since Chapter 5 will be an epilogue 😊
> 
> Hope y'all enjoyed this chapter! 🤗


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Warning:** Mentions of substance abuse and suicide

_June 10th, 2018._  
_9:38 am._  
_Eleven and a half months ago._

  


“Male, 18, the TA called 911 when he started vomiting non-stop in a chem lab. He’s hyperactive, and I’d advise you to be careful because he’s been unusually irritated since he was brought in.” 

Buck frowned at Maddie, who was wincing as she rubbed her arm. 

“Did he hit you?” Buck asked steely, his eyes hard, and Maddie immediately waved him off. 

“I shouldn’t have touched him without taking in the situation in the first place. He was highly agitated, and me trying to calm him down by putting a hand on his shoulder only made it worse.” Maddie explained, but Buck couldn’t help feeling slightly annoyed that someone had the nerve to even lay a hand on his sister. 

“I’m not usually asked to take head on these cases. Any particular reason general isn’t on top of it?” Buck asked, curious, and Maddie sighed. 

“The boy is beyond irritated, vomited two times in the past 30 minutes, and looks like he hasn’t slept in a week. Want to take a shot at the diagnosis?” Maddie raised an eyebrow, and Buck immediately understood. 

Ah.

“All signs of Adderall withdrawal for someone with ADHD.” Buck reasoned, remembering the research paper he had written during his fellowship year along with a few other aspiring doctors from other hospitals around the world. The paper had successfully made it into the journal of curious cases in Medical Science, and one of the major contributions that had landed his hefty promotion recently. 

“Exactly what I was thinking. That, and he didn’t want anyone but the one in charge to get anywhere near him, so you were our best shot.” Maddie turned to smile at him brightly. “Congrats on your promotion, little bro. You deserve it.” Maddie patted him on the shoulder, and Buck felt a smile twitching on his lips. 

“Thanks, sis.” 

“Bed 3, Dr. Buckley.” 

When he reached the bed secluded off from the others in the ER, Buck nodded at the nurses standing guard to leave them alone, and they smiled in understanding before giving him space. Buck pulled the curtains open halfway, moving slowly, trying his best not to alarm whoever was sitting on the bed. 

“I want my meds!” 

Buck looked up and held back a grimace at the scrawny, extremely underweight looking 18-year-old Maddie had briefed him about. Ignoring his initial outburst, Buck took out his iPad and opened a new patient spreadsheet. 

“Hello, I’m Dr. Buckley, and I am the head of pediatrics. What’s your name?” Buck asked, following standard procedure, even though all he wanted was to feed the guy and possibly get some fluids into him. The boy blinked up at him, his unfocused eyes fixating on something over his head. There was a brief moment of silence where Buck just stared at him expectantly, while the boy’s eyes darted everywhere but at him. 

Then,

  


“Kyle. Kyle Kendall.”

.

.

.

“What about the FBI?” 

“Are you insane? Like they would care about this minor prick in their system.” 

“ _Minor?_ He almost stabbed Buck with a knife! Or did you forget how he almost strangled _you_ with an IV line?” 

“The FBI don’t deal with common nutcases like him, and even if they did, he hasn’t made a move to come here!”

“Doesn’t mean he won’t!” 

“Oh, he will definitely come here.” 

Everyone turned to Buck, who didn’t even recognize it was his voice that had said that. 

His body was operating on pure autopilot right now. 

“He fought tooth and nail with his lawyer for the lightened sentence, and even then, he was taken out of the courtroom kicking and screaming. Mackey must have pulled some strings if he’s even allowed on parole.” Buck said hollowly, and Bobby nodded in agreement. 

“But, don’t parolees have to wear GPS trackers or something? There has to be something in his parole officer’s handbook about not letting him anywhere _near_ this hospital given the still present restraining order.” Maddie frowned, and Buck shook his head. 

“Even so, Doug is smart. He may be an addict, and need a lifetime of therapy, but he certainly isn’t stupid. And the one thing he vowed to do was to avenge his son’s death, which means his job’s not finished.” Buck said, and everyone stayed silent after that, the weight of the news hanging over them heavier than a bag of bricks. 

And honestly, it would probably hurt less to be stabbed in the face with a chair than seeing Doug’s face again. 

“Hey, don’t be looking like all your cats just died and remember that _we_ still exist.” 

Buck turned to the entrance of Bobby’s office to see Athena and Eddie making their way in, blinking in surprise. 

“Athena? Eddie? What are you two doing here?” Chimney seemed just as surprised, and the look that Athena shot him almost looked like she was about to smack him over the head for asking a dumb question. 

Buck did not want to imagine what Athena would be like as a schoolteacher. 

“Bobby called us after seeing the news. You best believe the LAPD will be guarding this hospital like dogs until this asshole is put permanently back in prison where he belongs.” Athena scowled, and Buck must have been more out of it than he thought, when he startled as a warm hand gripped his elbow. Turning, he met Eddie’s gaze that was filled with concern. 

“Athena gave me an overview on the way over. Are you okay?” Eddie murmured, running a soothing hand along Buck’s arm. In result, Buck took in a shuddering breath, reaching up to squeeze Eddie’s hand tightly. 

“I will be. I think we all just…need a moment.” Buck said quietly, leaning against his boyfriend who wordlessly took on the extra weight with no questions asked, even moving to wrap an arm around his shoulders. 

“I talked to his parole officer, and he has an alert ready that sets off an alarm to every single member of dispatch if he so happens to step even one foot into the _parking lot_ of this hospital. In the meantime, we’ve prepared officers to be stationed at every entrance and exit for the next couple of days. Detective Diaz is also going to personally accompany Dr. Buckley for now to every one of his appointments." Athena said, and it took a while for the words to sink in, but when they did Buck turned to Athena, wide-eyed.

“Wait, what?” 

“You’ll be staying at his place, until the threat with Mr. Kendall is neutralized. He’ll accompany you to work, shadow you at work, and you will go home together.” Athena said, her tone final, and honestly this would sound like the best honeymoon ever if current circumstances weren’t so dire. Buck turned to Eddie, a little skeptical.

“Aren’t you supposed to be only on light duty – “ 

“Don’t even think about finishing that sentence, Buckley.” Eddie narrowed his eyes, and Buck scowled. 

“You can’t just – “

“Eddie has been cleared for this by the chief, so he will stay put at your side.” Athena cut in. Buck groaned. 

“But isn’t that a little over –“ 

“Oh, the tragedy of spending more time together.” Eddie sighed mock-sarcastically, and that did it. Buck cracked a small smile, nudging Eddie’s side in faux reprimand. He looked up to see every single one of the people he considered family watching him with an almost protective glint in their eyes, and Buck really couldn’t refuse a request from family. 

“Alright then.” 

.

.

.

_June 10th, 2018._  
_9:50 am._

  


“I’m afraid I can’t do that.” 

“Fuck you! Why the hell not? This is a hospital, there are drugs everywhere!” Kyle shouted, and Buck held back on just plunging a benzodiazepine needle into his neck and reminded himself that he would not lose his medical license just because he got annoyed with a man-child saying ‘fuck you’ ten times in the past 12 minutes. 

“I am not allowed to legally give you more medication just because you ask, Kyle. The fact that you have run out of your medication in two weeks when you were prescribed a month’s worth is concerning. Where did the rest of the two weeks go?” Buck asked, and it seemed like Kyle either wanted to run out of the ER or punch something, he wasn’t quite sure. 

One thing he _was_ sure of, is that if Kyle dared to lay another finger on his sister, they will be having more than just words. 

“Like I said. I accidentally knocked over the bottle and spilled them everywhere, okay? Now can I please get my meds?” Kyle grumbled, running a hand through his unruly hair, but Buck couldn’t quite help but feel something wasn’t quite right here. 

“Kyle!” 

Buck turned to see a nurse guiding a furious man towards them, and narrowed his eyes when the man practically shoved the nurse away when his eyes landed on them, beelining his way over. The nurse waved Buck off when he moved to walk towards her, rolling her eyes as if silently telling him she was used to it. 

She shouldn’t be though, because no one deserves to be treated this way. 

“Kyle! What the hell did you do this time?!” The man shouted, and wow, seems like asshole ran in the family. 

“Nothing! I didn’t – you called him?!” Kyle glared at Buck, who raised a hand in surrender. 

“You need someone to take you home, and he’s the only number listed on your file.” Buck said, wincing when Kyle just glared at him harder. 

What did he do? 

“I’m sorry for my son. He flushed his pills down the toilet the other day, the bastard. Is it possible to get another prescription?” The man asked, and Buck immediately glanced at Kyle who lowered his gaze to the ground, suddenly very interested in his shoes as they scuffed against each other. 

Huh, didn’t Kyle say he accidentally spilled it? 

But in this situation, Kyle really did need his medication, even if both him and his father emitted vibes that felt…off. So, Buck took out his prescription pad and quickly scribbled some words down, ripping off the slip of paper and handed it to Kyle. Colour him surprised when Kyle’s father practically swiped it before the transaction made it to the recipient, shoving the slip into his own pocket. 

Buck would soon realize, that there were patients that got on his last nerves, and then there was _Doug Kendall._

“Come on, let’s go.” The man grunted, reaching out to pull his son off the hospital bed he was sitting on. Buck couldn’t do anything but watch, as the two made their way out of the ER, leaving his gut to twist uncomfortably. 

.

.

.

“Buck’s staying with us? Forever?” Christopher beamed, his look of surprise immediately turning into excitement when he heard the words ‘Buck’ and ‘staying here.’ Carla had merely raised an eyebrow at that, giving Buck a playful wink, before kissing all three of their cheeks as she left. Buck shared a look with Eddie, who grinned at him as they each carried a gym bag over their shoulders filled with necessities for his stay. 

“Maybe not forever yet, bud. That’s up to your dad. But I will be staying over for the next little while.” Buck explained, smiling when Christopher cheered, noticing that he’s, once again, carrying Piglet again in his pocket. 

“You can – can help me with science! Biology!” Christopher reached up to tug at Buck’s hand, and he immediately grinned at the familiar subject. 

“Now that, I can do. Let’s talk about the human body!” Buck turned around to see if Eddie needed any more help, but his boyfriend merely waved him off, his eyes warm as he watched Buck and his son. 

“Go. You’ll give him a much better lesson than I will about that subject.” Eddie leaned forward to catch Buck’s lips in a quick kiss, much to Christopher’s chagrin. 

“Come on, Buck, you can kiss daddy later!” Christopher tugged at his hand again, and Buck and Eddie laughed as the doctor followed the little boy to the living room, where various worksheets were spread out on the coffee table. Looking at the various diagrams and fill-in-the-blanks, Buck was brought into a sense of nostalgia at the sudden déjà vu. His high school years were of him trying so hard to get an ounce of his parent’s attention, so much so that he had decided to enroll in an intro to human anatomy course just to see if they would care. His sister had warned him, being in nursing school at the time, to not take these kinds of courses for granted. Funnily enough, even though he had wanted to just wing that class, he found himself actually enjoying the content, something that hadn’t happened before when he picked courses at random to appease his parents. 

Needless to say, that decision paved the path to where he was today, working as a pediatrician at one of the best hospitals in LA. He didn’t talk to his parents after that, realizing that he had so much more to care about than his parent’s non-existent love and affection, and honestly, the family he had found in his workplace was truly all he needed. His parents could respectfully fuck off. 

Just like the first time Buck discovered human anatomy, helping Christopher with his biology homework brought him back to when he was a child, doing worksheets just like these and not even knowing how much they would impact him later in life. 

“You know, Chris told me something very interesting last night.” Eddie murmured once Christopher had finished collecting his worksheets from the table and made his way to his room to put them neatly away in his backpack. Buck leaned back against the couch from his position on the ground where Eddie was sitting, resting his head against Eddie’s thigh. He hummed to show that he was listening, closing his eyes as Eddie threaded comforting fingers through his hair. “He said that he wanted to do research in the hospital when he grew up, so he could work with doctors and help them.” Eddie had a wide smile on his face when Buck turned to look up at him, his own eyes wide with astonishment. 

“Chris said that?” Buck breathed, voice shining in awe, and Eddie nodded. “Well then, I’ll be looking forward to the day Chris joins our team.” Buck grinned, laughing as Eddie poked at his side teasingly. 

“Oh, so sure that it’s _your_ team he’s joining? What if he decides to go to Harvard?” Eddie teased, and Buck’s grin only widened, rising from the floor and sitting next to Eddie on the couch, leaning into him playfully. Eddie, in turn, wrapped an arm around his legs to pull them over his lap, effectively pulling Buck in even closer to run his nose along his collarbone. 

“Harvard, Princeton, Cornell, wherever. So long as Christopher is happy, you best bet I’m going to make sure he gets the best team to have his back.” Buck cupped Eddie’s face to lean their foreheads together. “But I’m sure he won’t want to move so far away from you, knowing how close you two are. So, UCLA it is.” Buck chuckled as Eddie teasingly pulled at his bottom lip, feeling his heart melt at the fondness in Eddie’s gaze.

Being here, sitting with Eddie and talking about Christopher’s future like it was given that Buck would be in their lives so much further down the road, had tears building up in his eyes at the mere thought. 

“You know, this was one of the major reasons I was reluctant to get close to you.” Buck said quietly, the weight of the day’s events hitting him mercilessly all at once. Eddie tightened his hold around him, pressing a kiss to Buck’s temple. “This entire thing was a mess a year ago, and now that he’s back…” Buck trailed off, looking down to see that his fingers were tugging at Eddie’s hoodie strings absently. 

“I didn’t want to pull you into my mess.” Buck confessed, and was immediately met with Eddie’s sound of protest. 

“Hey. It’s not a mess, Buck. It’s more like…a stitch during surgery, that accidentally came loose that we can fix. Whatever you’re going to go through from now on, we go through together, alright?” Eddie ducked his head to make sure Buck met his gaze, so he could see how serious Eddie was about this.

“Did you just try to compare a potentially dangerous man to a mere loose stitch that needs fixing?” Buck snorted, giving Eddie an incredulous look. “Because I’ve sewn my fair amount of stitches, and let me tell you, Doug Kendall is far more irritating than a laceration that needs some pieces of string to fix.” The detective groaned, leaning his forehead against Buck’s shoulder. 

“That is not what you should have taken from all that.” Eddie grumbled, and Buck let out a weak burst of laughter. Leaning in once more, he coaxed Eddie’s lips in a gentle kiss, breath hitching slightly as hands roamed underneath clothing to rub against warm skin. 

Truthfully, Eddie’s words washed over him like a warm caress of the perfect summer’s breeze, his heart filling with so much emotion it was difficult to say them aloud with plain words. 

“If you don’t want Christopher to walk in and see us in a compromising position, we need to stop.” Buck shuddered, wanting nothing more than for the hands gripping his hips to wander lower, but right now was not the time. Eddie let out a noise of discontent, but obediently slid his hands up into more child-friendly areas. 

“You’re being reasonable, and I’m not sure I like it.” Eddie sighed, though Buck could see the smile peeking through his disappointment when he leaned in to kiss the corner of his lips. 

“Just so you know, it goes both ways, okay? Anytime you’re struggling with something, I’m here too. Always.” Buck murmured, running a thumb across Eddie’s cheeks, earning him a kiss on the tip of his nose. 

“I know, cariño. _I know._ ” 

.

.

.

_June 18th, 2018._  
_8:48 pm._

  


“I need more pills.” 

Buck nearly tripped over his non-existent shoelaces at that, looking up from the chart on his iPad to see Kyle Kendall sitting against a wall in a more secluded part of the hospital. It was late in the evening, so the foot traffic was even less prominent in this hallway. Buck studied Kyle for a while, noticing that he seemed less agitated than the first time he came in. Though, Buck could still see the dark circles around his eyes. 

“Don’t tell me you went through that bottle in a week, because I know exactly how much I prescribed. It should have lasted you at least another month.” Buck locked the screen on his iPad to crouch in front of Kyle, wondering how the other nurses and doctors had missed an 18-year-old sitting here. 

“Well it didn’t, and I need more.” Kyle huffed, looking up at him warily, and Buck frowned. 

“I told you, I can’t just – “ 

“I’m insured, so money’s not an issue. Just give me the pills.” Kyle interrupted impatiently, holding out a shaking hand. Buck sat down on the ground in front of him, clutching the iPad tighter in his hands. 

“I’m not talking about the money. I’m talking about how you’re managing to go through a whole month’s worth of pills in mere days, which is dangerous. What confuses me even more is that you’re not showing symptoms of an overdose, but of withdrawal.” Buck said slowly, quietly, and watches as Kyle’s leg jitters, his eyes darting to one thing before quickly moving to another. 

He had his suspicious on what was really going on here, but he couldn’t spook Kyle without being sure he wouldn’t take it the wrong way. 

“I need – I just need the pills, okay?” Kyle grumbled, and Buck sighed. 

Fine. If he was going to play it this way…

“When was your last dose?” Buck asked, getting up from the floor and making his way to a medicine cart down the hall out of view from where Kyle was sitting. He punched in the password and opened a bottle of Adderall, taking out the recommended amount. 

“A day ago.” Kyle called, and Buck shut the cart, making sure it was locked before making his way back to Kyle, offering the medication. Kyle stared at the tiny pills in his hands, scowling immediately. 

“What the fuck, man? That’s barely anything!” Kyle shouted, but Buck didn’t back down. 

“First of all, it’s _doctor._ Second, I am not going to prescribe you an entire bottle until you tell me what happened to the rest of the pills from the first one. So, either you take these, and come back for your next dose, or tell me what the hell is going on, so we don’t have to play this ridiculous game.” Buck said sharply, not feeling the least bit sorry when Kyle flinched. 

He couldn’t help him if he didn’t _tell him_ what was going on.

Kyle glared at the pills in his hand, before snatching them up quickly and running down the hallway, disappearing around the corner before Buck could get another word out of his mouth. Buck got up from his crouched position, staring at the spot where Kyle had disappeared. 

_“Damn it.”_

.

.

.

“You know, I would have thought being the head of pediatrics to be more exciting.” 

Buck bit back a smile at Eddie’s quip, looking up through his lashes at the man who was currently leaning against the bookshelf, watching him curiously. 

Or, to be specific, watching him attempt to read and signature the Mount Everest of papers on his desk.

“I have no idea what you mean. I’m currently having the time of life, can’t you see? Signing my name a million times really drives on my ego.” Buck replied nonchalantly, giving an extra flourish to the ‘y’ in his name on the letter in front of him. Eddie just raised an eyebrow, unamused. 

“Buck, that was literally a codicil of someone donating their body to science.” Eddie deadpanned, and oh, that explains why it was handwritten instead of typed. 

“Well, would you look at that.” Buck neatly put that letter on a separate section of his desk, mentally reminding himself to put it somewhere safe later. 

“Drives your ego, huh? Did you forget about the form you were signing earlier that was literally about budgetary numbers for the Peds section of the hospital?” 

“Hey, I’ll have you know those are very – Eddie, what the hell, you can’t just read our hospital’s budget! There are privacy regulations!” Buck stared at him, wide-eyed, but Eddie didn’t seem the least bit fazed. 

“That’s your only issue? And please, it’s not like I’m reading the entire thing, the writing is just obnoxiously big in the beginning.” 

“…do you have 40/20 vision because that was literally size 9, Times New Roman font.” 

“I’m not a doctor and even I know that’s not medically accurate.” 

Buck rolled his eyes, narrowing them when Eddie just snickered into the palms of his hands, looking to be thoroughly enjoying himself. 

“You know, I really hate you sometimes.” 

“Just sometimes?” 

“Yes. Because other times I guess you’re alright.” Buck shrugged, a hint of a smile on his lips as Eddie laughed. 

“Good to know.” Eddie grinned, and Buck found himself really enjoying Eddie’s presence, wondering if in another world, if it would be like this all the time had they worked the same profession. A buzzing in his pocket had Buck reach for his pager automatically, surprised when the call wasn’t medically related. 

“What’s up?” Eddie asked, stepping closer to the desk, and Buck got up from his seat to gesture to the door. 

“Well what do you know, there’s a package downstairs calling my name because I signed some very important papers.” Buck said excitedly, not even waiting to see if Eddie was following (he always did) before stepping out of the room. “Now, I’m going to go retrieve my very important package, and you can stay here or follow me, whichever you please.” 

Buck pressed the elevator’s ‘down’ button, the wait pleasantly short, allowing the two men to step inside the empty carriage. And of course, his brain decided to replay the encounters between Dr. Shepherd and Dr. Grey, and how elevators were their personal playground at the most ungodly moments of the episodes. He vaguely wondered if anyone was currently manning the cameras and if he could get away with just a tiny make-out session. 

“Don’t even think about it, Dr. Buckley.” 

Buck turned to Eddie, snickering at the put-out expression on his face. 

“Not quite sure what you mean, detective.” Buck winked, just as the elevator doors opened, and quickly made his way down the winding hallways to the reception area, knowing Eddie would catch up eventually. 

If he managed to figure out the hallways, that is. 

Buck greeted the receptionist with a smile, and she immediately reached down to pick up two boxes of disposable gloves that were to be kept in his office. He signed the paperwork (see, Eddie? His signatures worked miracles) and picked up one of the boxes experimentally. 

“So, very important package, huh?” 

Buck yelped and promptly dropped the box of disposable gloves, glaring at Eddie who was trying and failing to hide a snicker. 

“Warn a guy!” Buck scowled, picking up the box up from the floor again. “And for your information, _yes._ Gloves are extremely important, because who knows where peoples hands end up at the end of the day. Hands deserve a proper layer of protection to not get traumatized.” Buck scowled, cheeks heating up when he saw Eddie’s eyes darkening in the bright hospital lighting. 

“ _Don’t_ look at me like that. You’re the whole reason we need gloves in the first place.” Buck huffed, picking up one box and tilting his head to let Eddie know to take the other. 

“Oh, _I’m_ the reason? And I’m pretty sure I didn’t agree to this job to be your personal shopping assistant.” Eddie raised an eyebrow, and Buck promptly ignored the ending jab. Regardless, he watched, triumphant, as Eddie dutifully picked up the second box.

Having a very good boyfriend really was convenient. 

“You just don’t know how to keep your hands to yourself.” Buck tittered, enjoying the fact that he knew that Eddie was scanning his body top to bottom as he walked behind him.

“You’re been well acquainted with more than just my talented hands, Evan. I’m not sure these gloves will be doing much for us when I know for a fact that you enjoy it _bare._ ” Eddie said lowly, and Buck had to work very hard not to trip over the air his legs were walking through. If he did, he would blame the nitrogen atoms that got caught in his scrubs. 

Why did he agree to date this asshole again?

“I _really_ hate you sometimes.” 

“Even if I offer you a full body massage when we get home?” 

“…And as I said, sometimes you’re alright.” 

“ _Just_ alright?”

“Don’t push it, Diaz.” 

.

.

.

_June 20th, 2018._  
_7:26 pm._

  


“He takes them.” 

Buck looks up at Kyle in his office, having brought him in to sit for a while when he saw him wandering the hallways, presumably looking for him. Hen had given him a questioning look when she saw Kyle walking like a lost puppy behind him, but Buck only shook his head, knowing that she understood not to say anything when she walked by with a mere comforting hand on his arm. 

“My dad. He’s…going through some things. I was diagnosed over a year ago and he takes the pills to feel better.” Kyle admitted quietly, and Buck flipped the cover on his iPad, placing it on his desk. 

“Kyle, what your dad is doing, he’s – “

“I _know,_ okay? He was an addict in high school, but he managed to get clean. Until mom died, then he just…was never the same. He just recently got demoted, and needed something to take the edge off. He’s not a bad person.” Kyle said, his posture going defensive. Buck laid his elbows on the desk, leaning his chin against his fists in contemplation. 

“I’m not saying that he is. But things can’t go on like this, Kyle. What I’m already doing could be grounds to lose my medical license – you have to understand that I can’t just prescribe unlimited amounts of pills for you to satisfy your father’s addiction.” Buck frowned, and Kyle nodded, his eyes lowering to the desk between them. 

“I tried to get him to stop. To go to meetings again, but he’s…he won’t listen. Not anymore. I just…I just don’t want to take away the only thing keeping him relatively sane right now.” Kyle said quietly, and honestly, Buck almost laughed disbelievingly at the irony of it all.

“What were you planning to do if I decided to not give you any medication at all?” Buck asked, watching as Kyle tapped his foot against the ground restlessly, playing with a loose sticky note on the table. 

“The password on the medicine carts aren’t that difficult to crack. I’m a master hacker.” Kyle shrugged, and Buck had to crack a small smile at that.

“Then I’m glad I prevented you from a possible jail situation.” Buck sighed, not quite knowing how to proceed from here. 

“We need to talk to the chief. Dr. Nash is a very fair doctor, and if we can somehow talk to your father about how he’s going down a path that – “ 

“No!”

Buck startled, eyes landing on a hand that had reached out to grip at his forearm tightly. “You can’t talk to him, you can’t get anyone else involved! My father right now is not someone you want on your bad side, he’s – “ Kyle trailed off, shaking his head repeatedly. “Anyway, I’m a legal adult, and if I say you can’t then you can’t.” Kyle said stubbornly, and Buck kind of wanted to tear his hair out. Kyle had loosened his grip, but the faint red marks persisted on his skin to show how desperate he had been. 

Well then, what the hell was he supposed to do? 

.

.

.

“So, what’s it like being with each other 24/7?” 

“Our Buckaroo hasn’t caused you any trouble, has he?” 

“Feel free to smack some sense into him if he has.” 

“Keep in mind you’ll probably be faced with his puppy dog eyes the entire time afterwards though.” 

“You all know I am sitting right here, right?” Buck rolled his eyes, nursing a cup of coffee and sipping loudly to indicate his presence. He had completely forgotten that the five of them, namely Chimney, Hen, Maddie, Bobby and himself coordinated breaks so that they could catch a glimpse of each other even during the busiest of days. 

And now Buck was seriously regretting joining in.

“And come on, Eddie knows I am a very well-behaved human being.” Buck smiled proudly, but narrowed his eyes when Eddie choked on his coffee on the chair beside him, coughing loudly. Hen handed him a few napkins which he gratefully accepted, wiping away the mess on the table. 

Well that was just rude. 

“Something to share with the class, detective?” Buck asked through his teeth, still mustering a sweet smile. 

“Mi amor, you offered to race a kid today in matching wheelchairs until the nurse talked you down.” Eddie snorted, and Buck pointedly avoided Bobby’s suspicious gaze while also trying not to be affected by the term of endearment Eddie chose to go with. 

“I meant in Mario Cart, babe.” 

“That’s not a thing.” 

“Then they should definitely _make_ it a thing.” 

“Need I remind you that right after a woman reprimanded her daughter for sneaking in sweets without her knowing, that you gave her a big ass lollipop just as the mother left?” Eddie raised an eyebrow, and Buck sniffed indignantly. 

“She has low blood sugar, so the candies are actually necessary. The mother was being unreasonable.” Buck pouted, frowning when the others just stared at him in disbelief. 

“Was the committee high when they gave you your medical license?” Chimney gaped at him, and Hen slapped him on the arm. 

“Buck! You do not just feed children candy without their parent’s consent!” Buck could tell Hen was trying for a scandalized tone, but her grin was fooling no one. 

“Do I need to fire you again?” Bobby raised an unimpressed eyebrow, and Buck immediately shook his head. 

“No chief, I promise I haven’t broken any rules…the hard ones at least.” Buck smiled innocently, and Bobby sighed in exasperation, a smile twitching on his lips. 

“Hold up, you got fired once?” Eddie turned to him in disbelief. Buck shared an unamused look with the others before reaching up to give Eddie’s cheek a few pats. 

“Fellowship year, and I got it back right after.” Buck coughed lightly, his eyes glaring at the others, as if daring them to contradict him. 

“Don’t listen to him, Eddie. A parent was going off on him about something, and Buck – “ 

Buck had never felt more relief at the sound of his pager sounding. 

“Well what do you know, gotta go, team! Lives at stake and all that.” Buck jumped up from his spot at the table, dumping the rest of his coffee down the sink, rinsing the cup before tossing it into the recycling bin. Eddie quickly followed to do the same. 

“I’m going to need to hear that story later, Hen. Dinner will be on me.” Eddie pointed a finger at her, and Hen gave him a salute.

“I’ll even add in the story behind Chimney’s name for a bottle of Chardonnay.” Hen called after him. 

“Hey, don’t I get a say in – “ 

“Done!” 

Chimney was left to pout at Hen, who was pointedly ignoring him as she nursed her coffee. Buck groaned, silently wondering if it was too late to un-introduce Eddie to the group. The thought was short-lived, however, when he read the room number again on his pager and felt his shoulders slumping in realization at what this was. 

“Something wrong?” Eddie asked, the playful look he had on earlier disappearing completely, replaced with an overwhelming amount of worry and concern. Buck tucked the pager back in his pocket, shaking his head slowly. 

“When we get there, I want you to stay out of the room.” Eddie immediately frowned, opening his mouth to protest but Buck shot him a look that had him staying quiet. They walked silently side by side to the room in the Pediatrics wing, and when Buck reached the doorway, he was immediately pulled into a hug by the parents. 

“Thank you for coming, Dr. Buckley.” Ethan, one of the fathers, said. The other father, Kris, squeezed his shoulder. 

“Nurse Jenkins paged me. So you two have…” Buck trailed off, watching as Ethan and Kris nodded, their eyes shining with unshed tears. 

“All the paperwork has been filled out. Dr. Clark was with us when we did it, but she left to give us a moment with her.” Ethan said steadily, and Buck admired their strength so much, for being able to remain calm and collected when they were about to lose their only daughter. Turning his gaze to the bed, Buck felt his throat tightening at the familiar sight of Evelyn Parker, barely 10 years old, lying so still that if she wasn’t lying in a hospital bed, it would have been so easy to mistaken her for simply being a heavy sleeper. The ventilator’s sound was almost deafening in the otherwise quiet room, the monitors sounding in a steady rhythm for a girl who would never wake up again. There was a teddy bear on her bedside table, a mini doctor’s white coat draped over its tiny body, showcasing a young aspiring future lost by a tragic accident. 

“We had ten beautiful, amazing years with her. We wish we could have had more time but – “ Kris choked off, swiping a hand on both cheeks swiftly. Ethan wrapped an arm around his husband, his own eyes filling with tears not yet ready to fall. 

“Evelyn told us that you were the first doctor to ever make her smile, so we thought it would be, ah, we hope it’s not too selfish.” Kris gave him a watery smile, and though the muscles in his face were working hard to maintain it, the haunted look in his eyes gave away what the two men were really feeling behind their façade. Buck shook his head immediately, and gave them both one last squeeze on the shoulder before making his way to the bed. There was a faint urge to run a hand through her ebony-coloured hair one last time, splayed ethereally on the pillow underneath her. 

But he couldn’t. Because taking someone off life support was one of the hardest things he’s had to do as a doctor, and he knew he would not be able to hold back his own tears if he did more than what the procedure entailed. The parents deserved a level-headed doctor to do this, and Buck will not let them down. 

“Turning off the monitors.” Buck announced quietly, reaching forward to turn off the machine that beeped in tune to her heartbeat, watching as the screen turned black. He moved in a trance afterwards, his limbs remembering the procedure by heart, so he allowed himself the time to grieve silently. Quiet sobs were heard behind him, and Buck could feel a stray tear sliding down his cheek. Evelyn was, once again, lying still just as she had been weeks before. 

But the only difference this time, was the lack of rising and falling of her chest. 

Buck stepped back, the life of a 10-year-old fading right before his eyes, and it was moments like these, when Buck felt the sort of helplessness he couldn’t fix. Because there was _nothing he could do._

“She has now been fully taken off life support.” Buck said quietly, moving back to let Ethan and Kris walk to the bed, clutching onto each other tightly as their little girl disappeared from their world. Buck watched, for a while, feeling the familiar numbness suffocating his body after witnessing a death – encapsulating his nerves and forbidding him to move. There was a light pressure on his arm, which Buck slowly recognized to be Eddie’s hand, and didn’t hesitate in leaning against the warm body that slid next to him. 

No words needed to be said. 

Death never needed words to drive a stake straight through the heart. 

.

.

.

_July 19th, 2018._  
_10:30 am_

  


No one wakes up one day and expect to stare death in the face. 

Which was why death was a variable no amount of science could ever measure up to, and something Buck could never begin to understand. 

Doug was also an enigma that Buck could never figure out, the puzzle that came with his package so mismatched that even a master problem-solver would never be able to fit the pieces together. For one thing, he had gotten a visit from him the other day, and Buck wondered if it was wrong to want to drown someone’s smug smile with iodine. 

“I’m not here to tell you what to do, Dr. Buckley, but seeing how my son has seemed to have taken a liking to you, I hope that you can understand that you shouldn’t stick your nose in business that was never yours. So, unless you want one of my best lawyers to come after your malpractice with prescribing drugs to my barely of-age son, I suggest you stay out of this.” Doug had the audacity to _breathe_ on him, and Buck forced himself to step back instead of doing something that would have gotten him fired. The man’s skin on his arms had been scratched beyond recognition, the long sleeves barely hiding the signs of an addict too far gone to see reason. 

“Mr. Kendall. Your son has a medical condition that requires his medication. If you keep on taking them – “ Buck didn’t get to finish because Doug had slammed a hand against the wall behind him, trapping him in with his furious gaze and tense muscles. Buck narrowed his eyes, itching to shove the man away from him, but rules stated that touching a patient without proper provocation would not end well in court. He had already gotten fired for a day in his fellowship year, so he really couldn’t afford another scene without proper reason. The asshole seemed to know exactly what he was doing, because Doug smirked. 

“That’s right, I know your little rules. I also know that the pills you’re giving my son can uphold very well in court for me. It sucks, doesn’t it? Not being able to do a damn thing even though you want to.” Doug smiled darkly, and Buck had an inkling why Kyle had fought so hard not to go against his father. 

The man was cunning, and not someone you picked a fight with, not unless you had a clear plan set out with a million plan B’s. 

After that encounter, Buck had tried his best to act normal around Kyle, but the boy wasn’t stupid. 

“I know my father came.” 

Buck looked up to see him staring at the wall opposite them, his eyes crestfallen. 

“It’s hard, you know? Seeing him so…it’s just, I remember him back when mom was alive, and I guess I want to believe that he was always that man who didn’t do drugs to get high to cope with the pain.” Kyle sighed, slumping his shoulders in defeat. Buck tipped his head back against the wall, closing his eyes. Doug’s chilling brown eyes devoid of any sort of warmth flashed through his mind, causing him to shudder. 

“I – I just want him to be the dad I knew before. I want him to be…to be him again.” Kyle’s voice wobbled, and Buck decided that he couldn’t judge Doug based on the man he was today, because he honestly did not know what he was like before the drugs. Maybe he was exactly how Kyle remembered, maybe not. But to neglect his son to chase after a high to cope with his own pain – to _use_ his son to achieve that high – as if his pain didn’t affect the others around him, was _selfish,_ and Buck wasn’t sure if Doug could come back to Kyle’s reference of his ‘old self.’ 

“If your father thinks of you as much as you think of him, I’m sure he’ll listen when you talk to him.” Buck laid a hand on Kyle’s shoulder, the only words of advice he could offer. The whole situation was delicate, and too much pressure on one side could end up in an unwanted explosion. 

Buck had seen Kyle a few more times after that conversation, has seen the scrawny shoulders straightening as days went by, has seen eyes starting to brighten with determination. 

Then all of a sudden, Kyle stopped coming. 

It wasn’t unusual for the boy to miss a few days, but he had never missed four in a row, and there was a prickling feeling underneath Buck’s skin that he couldn’t quite shake off.

Something felt wrong. 

But Buck couldn’t let one case distract him from his others, so he worked through the morning, eating a light lunch, before heading to his office to do, yet again, paperwork. He thought being promoted may be more exciting than just writing his signatures in different fonts all day, but apparently being a leader meant more technical stuff rather than procedural. 

“Buck.” 

Buck looked up from the papers strewn across his desk, frowning when Maddie’s eyes seemed to be unsure where to focus next, and her breathing was only growing shallower and shallower. 

“Maddie, oh my god, are you alright?” Buck sprang up from his chair, grabbing onto his sister who collapsed into him. 

“Buck, the kid. Actually he’s – he’s technically an adult, but Hen and I just saw the news, and it’s – Buck, Kyle’s _dead._ ” Maddie sobbed, and out of everything in the world, these were not the words Buck expected to hear today. 

_Kyle’s dead._

“What?” Buck choked out, and Maddie hastily wiped her eyes with the back of her hand. 

“His father found him, lying on the kitchen floor with his throat sliced open. He cut his carotid artery, Buck, he _killed himself._ ” Maddie whispered, and Buck’s legs couldn’t hold up his lead-filled body anymore, sinking to the ground with Maddie’s arms around him. 

It didn't make any sense. 

“He – “ Buck couldn’t make out the next words, his thoughts running circles around his brain as he tried to process the past couple of minutes. 

Kyle, who had just been here four days ago. Who had just started to smile at him when he came to get his dosage of pills, who had punched him in the shoulder when Buck had playfully asked him about school. Who had a promising future in becoming a lawyer, who had made significant progress in gathering the courage to talk to his father. 

He was dead. 

And Buck felt sick. 

_“CODE SILVER. CODE SILVER. NORTH-WEST ENTRANCE. REPEAT: CODE SILVER.”_

Buck startled as the alarm blared throughout the entire hospital, his eyes wide as he met Maddie’s. 

“You don’t think – “ Maddie started, but Buck already stumbled to his feet, ignoring the pounding in his head as he raced towards the location, ignoring the warning of the alarms. When he arrived, the entire area was a _mess._ Papers flying everywhere from someone carelessly tossing them around, and nurses screaming at patients to stay in their rooms or hurriedly ushering patients into them. Buck could only watch, frozen, as his eyes met Doug Kendall’s own fury blazed ones, strangling a struggling Chimney with an IV line in one hand while holding a bloody knife in the other. 

“ _Dr. Buckley._ ” Doug growled, shoving Chimney to the side and taking one step towards him, his entire body shaking with rage. 

_”You took away the one good thing in my life!"_

Did he? 

Or did Doug himself, destroy the only source of light in his world without realizing it? 

.

.

.

“The last thing I said to him was ‘don’t be an ass.’” 

Eddie was leaning against the wall next to him, their elbows touching. The past few days have been more exhausting than most, with Evelyn’s death still hanging over him like a thick mist. There have been no movements from Doug yet, which drove everyone even more on edge from the wait, and Buck was sure he had the officers stationed at the hospital memorized by heart. 

Especially the detective standing beside him right now. 

Gazing into the NICU, and watching the infants squirming restlessly, Buck was brought back to the time Hamlet had humoured him into a handshake. “He had said something sarcastic about one of the nurses and those were my last words to him.” Buck shook his head, trying to remember what kind of look Kyle gave him before he left the hospital that day. “Before I found out four days later that he had killed himself.” Turning to face the man beside him, Buck gave him a weak smile. 

“You know, if you had looked up my number the first day I texted you, the first thing you would have read would have probably been this whole situation.” Buck gestured to nothing in particular, though Eddie nodded in understanding anyway. He bumped their shoulders together. 

“I did manage to read over the case file the day Athena got the phone call. But there’s always more to the story than what’s shown on paper.” Buck peered at the man beside him, sighing. 

“I hope no one ever has to go through an internal investigation like I did.” Buck said quietly, feeling Eddie’s gaze on him. “They took apart my life. Every. Single. Piece of it. It got to a point where I couldn’t even _talk_ to anyone because of Doug’s asshole of a lawyer. I was known as the ‘doctor who hooked up an 18-year-old with drugs.’ If it weren’t for Bobby and Athena, I probably wouldn’t be here today.” Buck shuddered at that thought, thanking whoever, or whatever it was that watched over him back then, wondering if they would do so again. 

“You’re a good person, Buck, and we all know that. You’re also a damn good doctor – and the public, everyone in the LAPD, is on your side. Doug Kendall’s lawyer can be the spawn of Satan and we would _still_ be on your side.” Eddie added lightly, and Buck scoffed. 

“Mackey might actually be a spawn of Satan, now that I think about it. Kendall was supposed to get life, but Mackey reduced it to 50 years pending because he kept pushing the fact about the drugs I gave Kyle.” Buck scowled, and when he had talked about it with Bobby, he had been upset that Buck hadn’t talked to him earlier, but he also admitted that he would have done the same thing in his shoes. Kyle needed his medication, and Buck did the right thing in not prescribing him infinite bottles of them. 

“Are you serious? He literally carried a weapon into the hospital with an intent to harm! Scratch that, he _did_ harm.” Eddie glowered, his entire body tensing as if readying for a fight. One of his hands automatically reached for the gun strapped to his hip, though only placing his hand on it and not acting to take it out. It was probably a very inappropriate time for Buck to find it extremely hot. If there ever was a day that the police department came out with those charity calendars, Buck would sign Eddie the fuck up and stash a few copies. 

For science, of course. Eddie’s anatomy is very important. 

“And security got to him before he could. Chimney got the brunt of it; I only got the pleasure of staring at the end of his knife before he was dragged away from me.” Buck shrugged, pushing the thought to the back of his mind. No one had to know about the nightmares he still had sometimes, wondering when Doug would come for him and finish the job. He was not a man that did things half-way, and with everything that’s happening now it seems like his dreams had finally mirrored reality. 

“You’re not alone, Buck. We’ve got your back.” Eddie offered a tight smile, though his words were genuine. Buck reached over to link their pinkies together. 

“I know.” 

The sound of a pager made _both_ of them jump this time, and Buck hid a smile at Eddie’s alarmed look before it dissipated into something calmer.

“I really need to get used to that.” Eddie winced, narrowing his eyes at him playfully when Buck patted him dotingly on the cheek. Buck knew Eddie would most likely have shoved him if he cooed or something, so he held back. Digging the pager out of his pocket, Buck frowned when he read over the words. It said that his assistance was required in a surgery, but he hadn’t remembered any surgeries that involved his expertise being booked today. 

“I’m apparently needed in OR5.” Buck said, and found it even more odd because this was an OR that was severely out of the way from the main area of the hospital, and hardly used because of its inconvenient location. The only times they used this OR were for patients stationed on that floor or for patients with surgeries by appointment. 

“I don’t remember your schedule having a surgery booked.” Eddie frowned, and Buck shrugged, knowing that surgeries sometimes caught personnel at the weirdest of times. 

“Sometimes surgeries need a sudden consult for issues that arise that weren’t anticipated in the beginning. It’s not too far-fetched.” Buck explained, and luckily enough, they were only one floor below the room, so it was a fairly quick walk. Buck was pushing open the double doors, absently wondering why there weren’t more hospital staff here to brief him, but then stopped when he realized Eddie was still following him. 

“Um, Eddie? What are you doing?” Buck asked, not moving to walk forward anymore. Eddie raised an eyebrow at him, as if he were asking something ridiculous. 

“I’m going in with you…?” Eddie frowned, and Buck chortled in surprise. 

“Uh, no you’re not. Babe, no one is allowed in OR’s except for the people scrubbing in.” Buck shook his head, finding it both amusing and heartwarming to see Eddie look quite disgruntled by that fact. 

“How am I supposed to protect you if I can’t go in there? I’m to stay right by your side for everything, Buck, no exceptions.” Eddie crossed his arms defiantly, and Buck sighed in fond amusement. 

_This man._

“Eddie, I’ll be _fine._ Everyone in there will be hospital personnel, and if more people than necessary go in, it’s a crowding as well as a sterilization issue. This shouldn’t take too long, I’ll be right out before you know it.” Since there was literally no one here, Buck leaned forward to kiss Eddie’s cheek briefly. The kiss did nothing to quell Eddie’s reluctance, but he obediently stepped back. 

“If you’re not out in ten minutes, I don’t care if the person lying on the table is the Queen of England or Beyoncé, because I _will_ come in and drag you out.” Eddie huffed, and Buck happily accepted a kiss on the lips this time. 

“You sure you want to disrespect two queens all in one day?” Buck teased, laughing still at Eddie’s disgruntled look. 

_“Evan.”_

“It’s quite hot, you know, your protective streak. Maybe we should do something about it.” Buck whispered hotly, right up against Eddie’s ear. Without another word, he leaned back and strutted through the double doors, making sure to emphasize the movements of his hips and laughing when he heard Eddie call out ‘Tease!’ behind him. His heart filling with warmth and anticipation of seeing the man soon, Buck was too distracted as he scrubbed in to notice that the OR was completely empty, the lights dimmed. Using his backside to push through the doors leading to the operation table, he looked up and instead of seeing the usual hustle and bustle of an ongoing surgery, it was to the barrel of a gun. 

Oh. 

“You know, one thing I learned about OR rooms, is that you can’t come in without clearance.” Doug said lowly, stepping out into the dim lighting, and Buck felt an ice bucket pour its contents over him when he realized what was happening. 

“Good thing I don’t need clearance.” 

Damn, if Doug doesn’t kill him first, Eddie’s _definitely_ going to. 

.

Eddie didn’t like this. 

For the past couple of days, he’s shadowed Buck no matter where he was going. Whether it was finishing paperwork, picking up the occasional package (‘very important package, Eddie!’), checking up on his patients, eating with his colleagues, Eddie had always _been there._

And now he wasn’t. 

All because of some stupid rule that prevented him from keeping an eye on the man he was hopelessly falling in love with. He didn’t know if Buck had noticed his many slip-ups when he let out endearments in Spanish, but his brain had painted a big love symbol in the shape of Buck in his mind, and there was no getting out of that. When Eddie Diaz fell in love, you best believe he be devoting anything and everything to keep his love safe. 

And it irked the hell out of him that he couldn’t do that right now. 

Looking at his watch, he realized he had only been waiting a painful six minutes for Buck to come back out of those doors, but time had always felt longer the moment you were waiting for someone to safely come back to you. If his time in Afghanistan taught him anything, it was that time was on no one’s side. It worked in opposite standpoints depending on your point of view. 

“Detective Diaz?” 

Eddie turned to see a female doctor standing behind him, her blond hair sifted to the side as she tilted her head, confused. Her blue eyes were watching him curiously behind her red-rimmed glasses, and Eddie noticed that she had _’Pediatrics’_ sewn across her white coat. 

“Yes?” Eddie responded, and the doctor shook her head slightly. 

“Sorry, I’m Dr. Clark, I work in Pediatrics. I saw you here while heading to the break room and I just – what are you doing here? And where’s Buck – Dr. Buckley?” Dr. Clark asked, looking around quickly. 

“Buck just got paged in for a surgery.” Eddie said, frowning when Dr. Clark only seemed more confused. 

“There aren’t any surgeries happening in that OR today.” Dr. Clark said slowly, and Eddie couldn’t fathom why Buck would get a page then, if – 

And suddenly, he froze, already pleading that the thought pulsing through his mind right now wasn’t true. 

Because if it was, Buck would be – 

_Bang!_

Eddie instinctively shoved Dr. Clark to the ground, pulling out his own firearm in record speed. He couldn’t remember what he said into his radio, but he knew backup wouldn’t arrive for a few more minutes.

And those minutes would be the difference between life and death. 

“Dr. Clark, I need you to stay low and get everyone to stay away from this area of the hospital. Until I say it’s safe on my radio, assume that there is an active gunman in this hospital.” Eddie said quickly, and thankfully, Dr. Clark seemed to push through her momentary frozen stature from fear to run down the hall. Eddie swiftly got up, moving and pushed through the double doors, holding out his gun in front of him. 

He had so many questionings circling his mind. How Doug managed to bypass their White House equivalent level of security. How the GPS hadn’t notified them when Doug had entered the premises. So many what if what if _what ifs._

But he could return to those questions later, because right now his heart was screaming, the muscular organ trying to crack open his chest at the sheer force of the rhythm it was fighting to beat in. Eddie hurried over to the OR door, hesitating momentarily with his hand on the metal. 

There was only one gunshot, which meant it was most likely one of two scenarios. 

Eddie prayed to whoever was listening that it was the second. 

He slowly pushed the doors open, even more on alert in the dim lighting. Keeping low and checking for blind spots, Eddie pushed the last doors to enter the area used for surgeries. He could make out two figures, one lying on the floor with blood pooling under their body and the other leaning over him, white coat soaked with blood. When Eddie got a better look at who was who, he almost collapsed in relief. He immediately holstered back his gun and picked up his radio.

“This is Diaz, gunman secured. Need some officers in South-West wing, OR5.” Eddie said into his radio, slowly making his way to Buck, who was kneeling beside Doug, his shoulders slumped in defeat and eyes not leaving the sight of Doug’s brain matter splattered around them. There was something haunted in his eyes, and Eddie wasn’t sure if Buck knew if he was even here right now with how lost he looked. 

Still, Eddie was determined to bring him back. 

“Buck?” 

.

.

.

There was blood. 

_So much blood._

The carotid artery was important, which pissed him off to no end that Kyle even knew what it was, and why the hell he decided to choose such a gruesome way to die. 

_He shouldn’t have died._

“Buck?” 

There was a voice, a familiar one, but Buck wasn’t quite sure why it was there when it was only him and Kyle, his thin body laying on the ground in front of him, cold to the touch. Who else could even be here? 

“Buck.” 

The voice sounded concerned, worried, but why? Why wasn’t it angry? He couldn’t stop an 18-year-old boy from committing suicide, whoever it was had every right to be furious. He was a _doctor,_ and he couldn’t save this life. 

“Buck, listen to my voice.” 

Buck didn’t know why the voice sounded so familiar, has he heard it before? Was it someone he knew? There was something warm on his shoulder, and – oh, why was he in an OR? Didn’t Kyle die in his kitchen? 

“Buck, you are not wherever you think you are right now. Look around slowly, and tell me something that you see.” The voice said gently, and Buck knows, that he trusts that voice. It belonged to someone important to him, but he couldn’t, for the life of him, figure out who it was. He lifted his gaze from the blood below him, and looked up to see an empty surgical table above him. 

“Surgical table.” Buck said hoarsely, and the warmth on his shoulder tightened. 

“Good. Something else?” The voice murmured, closer this time, and Buck shifted his eyes to the right, wincing at the dim lighting from the lamp.

“Lamp.” Buck repeated, and wanted to return to mourning over Kyle’s body but a hand, cautiously applying gentle pressure on the nape of his neck stopped him. He let out a broken sound of protest. 

“One more thing?” The voice coaxed softly, and Buck bit his lip, not really seeing anything else with how dark the room was. He felt his head throbbing as he tried to remember who it was that was talking to him, but his thoughts were just slipping through the answer like a ghost trying to grasp onto something physical. 

Buck turned his head to the left, his vision filling with a silhouette of a man kneeling beside him. He was wearing his signature leather jacket, a gun holstered to his hip, and brown eyes filled with compassion. Memories assaulted him at the sight, and a sob tore through his body when a single name suddenly echoed through his mind. 

_”Eddie.”_

Buck threw himself into the man’s arms, knowing that Eddie would catch him. He wasn’t sure if Eddie would pull him closer considering his upper half was covered in blood, but Eddie didn’t even hesitate in cradling him close, rocking them both back and forth in a soothing motion. 

“You’re safe, baby, I got you.” Eddie murmured into his ear, and Buck clung tighter to the back of his leather jacket, no doubt wrinkling it, but Eddie didn’t give a damn. He was so focussed on the man holding him that everything else around him censored out. The other officers coming in, someone laying a sheet to cover the body, the gun being retrieved from a limp hand. Buck couldn’t focus on anything else other than Eddie holding him, not once loosening his grip. 

“Doug.” Buck choked out, feeling Eddie’s arms around him tightening further. He felt mildly guilty that Eddie’s shirt was soaking through with his tears and other bodily fluids, but Eddie never made a move to let go so Buck stayed exactly where he was. 

“He’s gone, Buck. He’s dead.” Eddie whispered, and Buck closed his eyes, trying to block out the sound of the gunshot and seeing Doug’s body crumple in on itself right in front of him. He wasn’t sure exactly how long he and Eddie were holding onto each other on the cold floor of the OR, but his legs were slowly turning numb and he was sure Eddie’s legs had to have been numb for a while. Stumbling to a standing position, Buck pulled Eddie with him off the ground, though still not letting go of him. 

“I have to go back to work.” Buck said quietly, remembering all the things he had yet to do today before the page came in, and Eddie quickly shook his head, scowling. He looked like he was about to protest that statement, but someone beat him to it. 

“If I see you doing anything but taking the rest of the day off, I will personally fire you again. Permanently this time.” 

Buck looked behind Eddie to see Bobby standing there, along with the rest of his friends, his hands on his hips as if challenging him to argue back, but his eyes were filled with concern. They all stepped forward, pulling Buck into a group hug. 

“Dr. Clark and the rest of your team have all offered to cover for you. Go home, Buck. You too, Eddie. Athena told me to warn you that if she sees either of you still here when she arrives, she will escort you both home in the back of a squad car.” Bobby finished, and Eddie nodded quickly, knowing never to go against Athena. 

“I’ll make sure he gets home safely, Bobby.” Eddie replied, and Bobby gave him a grateful nod, squeezing Buck’s shoulder tightly. 

“You’re going to be alright, kid.” Buck reached up to squeeze Bobby’s hand on his shoulder weakly, before turning to Maddie when she pushed something into his arms. 

“I brought you some clothes. Change, before you walk out of here.” Maddie offered him a quick smile, and Buck thanked her quietly, clutching the clothes tighter. 

“We’re only a phone call away if you need anything, alright, Buckaroo?” Chimney said, Hen nodding next to him. Despite recent events, Buck suddenly felt warmth enveloping his body at how much everyone cared. 

“Thank you. _So_ much. I really love you guys.” Buck felt tears welling up in his eyes again, and chuckled wetly as he was pulled into yet, another group hug. 

“We love you too. We’ll always be here for you.” Hen smiled softly, squeezing his hand. Buck gave them one last smile before trailing after Eddie, pulling him to a stop when they reached a washroom. 

“I need to get cleaned up.” Buck said quietly, looking down at his blood-covered upper body, and Eddie nodded. He didn’t stop Eddie this time when he followed him into the facility, standing off to the side as Buck scrubbed his hands clean, before shedding off his white coat. Winnie, thankfully, hadn’t been caught in the bloodbath, and Buck wordlessly handed him to Eddie who tucked him safely into his jacket pocket. His scrubs came next, and Buck let it drop onto the edge of the sink as he tugged on the fresh shirt Maddie gave him with the hospital logo printed on his left breast. Looking into the mirror, Buck frowned at his gaunt appearance, and knew that, while things didn’t look so bright right now, things will get better. 

Things were different than they were a year ago. He wasn’t the same newly promoted, inexperienced doctor pushed to lead an entire department. 

He would get through this. 

There was a hand on his arm. 

“Come on, I want to take you somewhere.” Eddie said gently, and Buck blinked at him, though slipped his hand in Eddie’s automatically. 

“You do? Where?” Buck asked, and Eddie rolled his eyes, a small smile making its way onto his lips. 

“Just, trust me?” Eddie squeezed Buck’s hand, and Buck didn’t even hesitate in squeezing back. 

“Always.” 

By some miracle, it was as if the staff knowingly dispersed out of their path, because other than a few of them who simply offered a nod or a small smile, no one stopped to talk to them. It wasn’t until halfway through their journey that Buck realized where they were going, and couldn’t help letting out a small laugh. 

“You’re actually a secret romantic, aren’t you?” Buck teased softly, and Eddie merely squeezed his hand tighter as they made their way to the bench, the exact same one they sat on the day they first met. But unlike the first day, Eddie was sitting right next to him instead of on the other end, their thighs touching and ankles locking. This time, Buck let himself lean against the man beside him, his head resting on Eddie’s shoulder as they looked out the glass wall to the setting sun over the hospital gardens. 

“How did you not manage to get lost once on the way over?” Buck asked, curious, and didn’t need to look to know Eddie was blushing. 

“I may have, ah, taken a look at the hospital blueprints.” Eddie confessed, smacking Buck’s thigh when he laughed, but keeping his hand there, a welcome pressure. 

“How very detective of you.” 

“This spot is special to me, so of course I had to figure out how to get here no matter where I am.” Eddie said softly, making Buck smile. They sat in a comfortable silence, purely content in simply basking in each other’s presence and occasionally sharing a quiet chuckle when a child did something adorable outside. There was still a weight, though, hanging persistently over Buck’s shoulders, and it wasn’t long before he let out a sigh.

“You know, someone wise once told me, losing someone never gets easier.” Eddie murmured, and Buck had to smile at that. 

It was Eddie, he was safe. 

“As a doctor, we learn not to judge. Because we work to save lives, sometimes at the cost of our own, even if the life we save may go off in the future to kill another one.” Buck said quietly, feeling the sort of exhaustion that had his limbs unwilling to do anything but lay there on Eddie’s strong shoulder and be still. “But Doug…” Buck trailed off, eyes tracking after a couple on the field, their hands held loosely between them and swaying softly in the evening breeze. There were others filing about, and yet, all of them unaware of the tragic incident that had just occurred. 

“I have never seen someone who was so lost, they couldn’t be saved. Someone who didn’t _want_ to be saved, who just wanted to live his life as an addict and rely on his son to give him pills.” There was always that thought, that if he had just given Kyle more pills, had just gone with it and never tried to play good Samaritan, maybe their lives would have been better. 

That Kyle may even be alive today. 

“When Doug came into the hospital hours after Kyle died, when I saw how he just grabbed an IV line, ripped it right out of a patient’s arm and trying to strangle Chimney for merely being in the way, then coming towards me holding the knife that Kyle had used to _kill himself –_ “ Buck choked off, tightening his hold on Eddie’s hand. The hand on his thigh increased in pressure, and Buck felt the shoulder underneath his cheek tense. 

“When his bloodshot eyes met mine…I knew that if security hadn’t gotten to him first, I wouldn’t have tried to move out of his way.” His words came out so quiet, he couldn’t even feel the familiar vibration in his throat as they tumbled out. Eddie couldn’t hold back a sharp inhale, and Buck opted to close his eyes. Images of Kyle flooded in, of their too few encounters, of the last smile he had seen from the boy playing in a continuous slideshow beneath his eyelids. 

“Doug was distraught, in that OR today.” Buck continued, and moved to squeeze Eddie’s hand between them. “Went on about how it was entirely my fault that Kyle was dead. How I should have just given him the pills and not gotten involved.” Buck said quietly, tightening his grip. 

“He told me that he swung a bottle at Kyle’s head minutes before.” 

Buck couldn’t feel anything but the shaking of his hands, trembling so badly that even with Eddie’s tight grip, they were still tremoring. 

“Kyle tried to get him to come clean. Get _him_ clean, start over. And he swung a bottle at him.” Buck closed his eyes as pain wracked his body, imagining the broken look of shock that would have appeared on Kyle’s face. Kyle, who had mustered all the courage he had to try and get his dad to see reason and his father responded with _violence._

“The day after Kyle died, I went through so many scenarios in my head on what I could have done differently. I spent months, during the internal investigation, during the lawsuit we filed against each other, wondering why – wondering what it was I did so wrong that I couldn’t save his life?” Buck sighed, leaning into Eddie’s fingers as they gently ran through his hair. 

“But I realized, when Doug pointed his gun at me today, that no matter what I did back then, today would have still happened. Because deep down, Doug also knew it wasn’t my fault, that I was just a medium between his anger and frustration, something he pinned his blame on to explain the questions he’ll never get answered. In the end, he just, couldn’t do it anymore, and I’m just so glad I get to come home to you.” Buck tucked himself into Eddie’s embrace when he pulled him into a hug, smiling tearfully when a gentle kiss was pressed to his forehead. 

“Yo también, Evan. You don’t have to suffer alone anymore - I’ll always be here.” Eddie murmured into his hair, and Buck smiled through the silent tears streaming down his face.

  


It was the first time, in a long while, that he had felt…free.

The weight would always be there – on his shoulders, because the scars of the past never fared well on human flesh. 

But he wasn’t the only one carrying the weight anymore. 

And Buck was learning to be okay with that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> With that heavy note, next and last chapter will be an epilogue ༼ つ ◕_◕ ༽つ
> 
> How we all doing?


	5. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A happier note to lighten up the atmosphere from the previous chapter

Buck woke to a polar bear cub heating up his backside. Deciding not to disturb its non-existent hibernation, Buck kept his eyes closed, hoping to maybe get a few more minutes of sleep. 

But it seemed like the bear cub had other plans. 

“I know you’re awake, Buck.” The cub chuckled, and Buck’s lips tipped up into a smile when the arms around his waist tightened, tugging him in closer to a familiar warmth. 

“No, you don’t.” Buck hummed, sighing sleepily when he felt lips nibbling the tip of his spine.

“You’re right, I don’t, but you confirmed it for me just now, didn’t you?” Buck realized that no bear cub was ever this much of a smartass, and opened his eyes to glare back at Eddie. 

“Asshole.” 

And really, Buck was probably asking for it when Eddie suddenly climbed on top of him, all 6 feet of hard muscle pressing him against the soft sheets he had imprinted on last night. 

“You know, I thought the bullying would have eventually come to a stop, but it seems like you’re enjoying the hell out of cussing out a very important part of me.” Eddie said playfully, leaning down to nuzzle the sensitive spot just behind his ear. Buck couldn’t help squirming a little at that, gasping as Eddie nipped at the skin. 

“Seems fitting, don’t you think? Considering the amount of shit I had to deal with last night.” Buck narrowed his eyes, and Eddie pulled back to look him in the eyes, face scrunching up in dismay. 

“That sounds so gross when you put it like that. And I remember you quite enjoying last night, unless I was making love to someone else?” Eddie teased, laughing as Buck picked up a pillow to whack him on the head. 

“You had me on edge for hours!” 

“Minutes, cariño, minutes. And you were the one who asked me to!” 

“No, I’m pretty sure I specifically said to ‘fucking do it already!’ but you told me to be patient and wait.” 

“Worth it though, wasn’t it?” 

“Oh, maybe for you, but I was _dying._ ” 

“And yet, you started another round right after.” 

“Gotta even out the playing field, babe. All’s fair in love and war.” 

Eddie smiled at that, and Buck happily accepted to quick kiss. “I personally wouldn’t mind a repeat of last night.” Eddie whispered, making Buck shiver at the low, suggestive tone. Knowing that Eddie would be getting exactly what he wanted if he didn’t do something to level the playing field, Buck mustered all his strength to shove Eddie back, shifting so that he was the one leaning over the other, lips stretched in a flirty smile. He could tell Eddie was caught off guard by the sudden transition by the wide-eyes staring up at him, stunned. 

“Oh, you want a repeat of last night, do you?” Buck whispered, the words a soft caress over Eddie’s lips. He purposefully lowered his hips slowly, enticingly, watching as Eddie’s eyelids fluttered at the contact that was suddenly too much and yet, not enough. Leaning down further, his biceps flexing at the movement, Buck ghosted feather-light kisses along Eddie’s jawline, smirking when the man beneath him shuddered. Buck waited until Eddie closed his eyes fully, awaiting a kiss Buck had never intended on giving so easily in the first place. 

“Great!”

Buck suddenly sat up ramrod straight, causing Eddie to let out a shrill sound of surprise, his hands reaching out instinctively to Buck’s hips to steady him. 

“Hey, Chris! Your dad wants tacos for breakfast!” Buck called out gleefully, laughing as he watched Eddie’s blissful expression turning from confused to downright murderous when he finally got with the program. Buck held back a breathy gasp as Eddie tightened his grip on him, both of them listening to the sound of crutches against the floor as Christopher made his way to the couch in the living room to wait for them patiently. 

“Daddy, don’t be silly! We finished the tacos last night.” Christopher called back, and both men waited for the TV to be turned on before continuing their conquest. 

“I hate you so much.” Eddie scowled, though Buck could not see an ounce of annoyance in his expression, as much as Eddie tried to play it. 

“Clearly your opinion seems to change every night.” Buck teased, laughing as he willingly let Eddie roll them over, the pillows underneath him remembering his shape as easily as they had last night. Not losing his easy grin, Buck reached up to cradle Eddie’s face between the palms of his hands, this time pressing a gentle kiss against Eddie’s lips. The arms planted beside his head closed in further, so much so that Buck could feel the light hairs on Eddie’s forearms tickling his ears. 

“How long do you plan on teasing me, querido?” Eddie murmured, leaning down further to attach his lips to Buck’s pulse point, and all rational thought disappeared from his mind. “It’s not a competition, you know, since you’ve won the day you messaged me how adorable my son is as an unknown number.” Eddie grinned against his skin, and Buck groaned, pulling away. 

“You are never going to let me live that down, are you?” Buck pouted, though it didn’t last long because one thing he learned about Eddie Diaz through being together for nearly a month (two, if counting the whole chasing period), was that he was completely weak for his puppy dog eyes. Christopher was awake and in the next room though, so their kisses could only go so far before Buck sighed and decided to be the rational one. 

“Eddie, Chris is waiting for us.” Buck bit back a moan as Eddie’s lips started to move down his body anyway, and when they neared his waistline, he knew if they didn’t stop now, they would not be coming out of Eddie’s bedroom anytime soon. 

“Nope, no, we are going to act like sensible adults and save playtime for later tonight.” Buck pushed Eddie gently off him, rolling over so that he could swing his legs over the bed. A block of warmth immediately plastered itself onto his back, and Buck had to use the last of his restraints in the reserves of his mind to not shove Eddie back into bed and continue what they were doing. 

“I’ll hold you to that.” Eddie whispered, voice low and breath just barely ghosting the shell of Buck’s ear. The arms snaking around his middle were gentle – affectionate, and Buck honestly has never felt more loved in his life. 

Yes, _love._

If there was anyone in the world that could have Buck falling head over heels for them in the span of a month, it was Eddie Diaz. 

He was sure Hen would say he had been in love the entire three months he’d been crushing on Eddie from afar, but that was a fact that Eddie did not need to know about. 

“I’m going to go make breakfast since you clearly don’t know what anything but Cinnamon Toast Crunch is.” Buck turned his head to give Eddie one last kiss on the cheek before breaking out of his hold and heading to the kitchen. 

“I resent that!” 

Buck grinned, making his way over to the couch to ruffle Christopher’s messy locks who laughed up at him gleefully. He immediately started the coffee machine, noticing that Eddie still had not come out of his bedroom. Realizing that he could probably up his game on his teasing, Buck tip-toed back to the room, a soft smile making its way onto his lips when he saw Eddie still sitting on the bed, looking at the ground with a sappy expression on his face. 

“Hey, Eddie?” Buck said lightly, waiting until Eddie lifted his gaze to meet his in a questioning look before continuing. 

“Yeah, mi corazón?”

Buck gave him a winning smile, his mind and heart completely in sync as he said, 

_“Te amo.”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for reading, I absolutely adored your comments and thank you so much for the encouragement 🤗🤗
> 
> This is the end of this AU, but who knows, maybe I'll re-visit it someday 😉😊
> 
> A happy ending to the happy couple 💕

**Author's Note:**

> The Buddie mood board was graciously made by my darling sister, feel free to check her out on [Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/weird_art_child) ╰(*°▽°*)╯
> 
> Hope everyone is healthy and staying safe 💕
> 
> Catch me on [Tumblr](https://ao3theskyisblue.tumblr.com) 😊


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